HockeyFighter
04-02-2003, 12:26 AM
With French Stewart, Burt Reynolds and Sean Connery
Alex Trebek: Welcome back to celebrity jeopardy. Before we begin the double jeopardy round I'd like to ask our contestants to once again, please refrain from using ethnic slurs. Thats said lets take a look at the scores. Sean Connery has set a new jeopardy record with -$230,000.
Sean Connery: You think you're pretty smart don't ya Trebek? What with your dago mustache and your greasy hair.
AT: What did I just say about ethnic slurs?.... From Third Rock From the Sun, French Stewart, in second place with -$17,000.
French Stewart: I'm a late bloomer Alex and in double jeopardy I'm gonna bloom.
AT: Sure you will..... And finally back again, Burt Reynolds in a commanding lead with $14.
Bert Reynolds: Hey. Hey, check out the podium. Look at this.
AT: Mr. Reynolds has apparently changed his name to Turd Ferguson
BR: Ya that's right. Turd Ferguson. It's a funny name.
AT: Great...Lets take a look at the final board. And the categories are, potent potables, sharp things, movies that start with the word Jaws, a petit dejeuner. That category has got French phrases so lets just skip it.
BR: Hey uh, I speak alittle French. You're an asswipe, pardon my French. Hahaha.
FS: My name's French.
BR: Ya well who gives a damn?
AT: Moving on. Animal sounds, condiments, and finally, your ass or a hole in the ground. Mr. Reynolds unfortunately you're in the lead so we'll start with you.
BR: Ya, I'll take the condom thing for 8000.
AT: That's condiments. For 400....This condiment is made from mustard seed......French Stewart.
FS: The answer of course is onions. I'll take condiments for 800, thank you.
AT: That's not the right answer....Burt Reynolds.
BR: That's not my name.
AT: Ooook, Turd Ferguson.
BR: Ya what do you want?
AT: You buzzed in.
BR: No I didn't.
AT: Yes you did.
BR: Ya well that's your opinion.
AT: I hate my job. The answer was mustard. Mustard is made from mustard seeds. Mr. Reynolds it's still your board.
BR: Ya well why don't you give me, why don't you give me ape tit for 200.
AT: It's not ape tit. It's a petit nevermind...Lets just go to animal sounds for 600. This is the sound a doggy makes. Mr. Connery.
SC: Moo.
AT: No.
SC: Well that's the sound your mother made last night. Hahahahaha!
AT: Ok that's not necessary.....Burt Reynolds
BR: Who is ah, um, Scooby Do?
AT: No.
BR: That was a funny dog Scooby Do. He drove around in a van and solved mysteries.
AT: That is incorrect.
BR: No that's correct. I remember he had a pal, Scrappy Do.
AT: No....French Stewart, the sound a dog makes.
FS: Um, who was John Caffey and the Beaver Brown Band? Thank you very much. I'll take animal sounds for 800.
AT: NO! Good lord. We would have accepted Bow Wow or Ruff.
SC: Oh rough. Just the way your mother likes it Trebek.
AT: Come on, that is way out of line. Mr. Reynolds what are you doing?
*Burt approached Alex's podium wearing an oversized cowboy hat*
BR: Ya I found this backstage. It's an oversized hat. It's funny.
AT: No it's not.
BR: Sure it is. It's funnt. It's funny because it's bigger than a, you know, normal hat.
AT: I see that. Get back to your podium.
BR: Take a look at that.
AT: I see it. Go back to your podium. That's not funny.....What's going on?...Ok lets just move onto final jeopardy. And the category is....you know what, I'll tell you what, just write a number. Any number. Any number and you win. *music starts* We'll except any number. Any number at all. A 1 or a 2, or a 3, or how bout a 4. It's that simple. I know you can do this. *music stops* Lets start with French Stewart who's grinning like an idiot. You look pretty sure of yourself. Think you've got the right answer?
FS: Yes I am pretty sure of it Alex.
AT: Well all you had to do was write down a number. And you wrote "Threeve". A combination of three and five. Simply stunning. And you wagered "$Texas". I'm speechless.
FS: No I did not get the answer from anyone else. It all came from Mr. Stewart's noggen up here.
AT: That's beautiful....Mr. Reynolds.
BR: Ya don't bother I didn't write anything.
AT: Good work....Finally Mr. Connery. The category was numbers and you wrote "V". We'll I'll tell you what my friend. V is a Roman Numeral so depite your best efforts you answered correctly. Lets see what you wagered. "Suck it Trebeck".
SC: Ahahahaahahahahahahaahahahahaha!
AT: That's all the time we have. Good night. *Burt places oversized hat on Trebek* WOULD YOU GET THAT OFF ME!!
*music starts*
Alex Trebek: Welcome back to celebrity jeopardy. Before we begin the double jeopardy round I'd like to ask our contestants to once again, please refrain from using ethnic slurs. Thats said lets take a look at the scores. Sean Connery has set a new jeopardy record with -$230,000.
Sean Connery: You think you're pretty smart don't ya Trebek? What with your dago mustache and your greasy hair.
AT: What did I just say about ethnic slurs?.... From Third Rock From the Sun, French Stewart, in second place with -$17,000.
French Stewart: I'm a late bloomer Alex and in double jeopardy I'm gonna bloom.
AT: Sure you will..... And finally back again, Burt Reynolds in a commanding lead with $14.
Bert Reynolds: Hey. Hey, check out the podium. Look at this.
AT: Mr. Reynolds has apparently changed his name to Turd Ferguson
BR: Ya that's right. Turd Ferguson. It's a funny name.
AT: Great...Lets take a look at the final board. And the categories are, potent potables, sharp things, movies that start with the word Jaws, a petit dejeuner. That category has got French phrases so lets just skip it.
BR: Hey uh, I speak alittle French. You're an asswipe, pardon my French. Hahaha.
FS: My name's French.
BR: Ya well who gives a damn?
AT: Moving on. Animal sounds, condiments, and finally, your ass or a hole in the ground. Mr. Reynolds unfortunately you're in the lead so we'll start with you.
BR: Ya, I'll take the condom thing for 8000.
AT: That's condiments. For 400....This condiment is made from mustard seed......French Stewart.
FS: The answer of course is onions. I'll take condiments for 800, thank you.
AT: That's not the right answer....Burt Reynolds.
BR: That's not my name.
AT: Ooook, Turd Ferguson.
BR: Ya what do you want?
AT: You buzzed in.
BR: No I didn't.
AT: Yes you did.
BR: Ya well that's your opinion.
AT: I hate my job. The answer was mustard. Mustard is made from mustard seeds. Mr. Reynolds it's still your board.
BR: Ya well why don't you give me, why don't you give me ape tit for 200.
AT: It's not ape tit. It's a petit nevermind...Lets just go to animal sounds for 600. This is the sound a doggy makes. Mr. Connery.
SC: Moo.
AT: No.
SC: Well that's the sound your mother made last night. Hahahahaha!
AT: Ok that's not necessary.....Burt Reynolds
BR: Who is ah, um, Scooby Do?
AT: No.
BR: That was a funny dog Scooby Do. He drove around in a van and solved mysteries.
AT: That is incorrect.
BR: No that's correct. I remember he had a pal, Scrappy Do.
AT: No....French Stewart, the sound a dog makes.
FS: Um, who was John Caffey and the Beaver Brown Band? Thank you very much. I'll take animal sounds for 800.
AT: NO! Good lord. We would have accepted Bow Wow or Ruff.
SC: Oh rough. Just the way your mother likes it Trebek.
AT: Come on, that is way out of line. Mr. Reynolds what are you doing?
*Burt approached Alex's podium wearing an oversized cowboy hat*
BR: Ya I found this backstage. It's an oversized hat. It's funny.
AT: No it's not.
BR: Sure it is. It's funnt. It's funny because it's bigger than a, you know, normal hat.
AT: I see that. Get back to your podium.
BR: Take a look at that.
AT: I see it. Go back to your podium. That's not funny.....What's going on?...Ok lets just move onto final jeopardy. And the category is....you know what, I'll tell you what, just write a number. Any number. Any number and you win. *music starts* We'll except any number. Any number at all. A 1 or a 2, or a 3, or how bout a 4. It's that simple. I know you can do this. *music stops* Lets start with French Stewart who's grinning like an idiot. You look pretty sure of yourself. Think you've got the right answer?
FS: Yes I am pretty sure of it Alex.
AT: Well all you had to do was write down a number. And you wrote "Threeve". A combination of three and five. Simply stunning. And you wagered "$Texas". I'm speechless.
FS: No I did not get the answer from anyone else. It all came from Mr. Stewart's noggen up here.
AT: That's beautiful....Mr. Reynolds.
BR: Ya don't bother I didn't write anything.
AT: Good work....Finally Mr. Connery. The category was numbers and you wrote "V". We'll I'll tell you what my friend. V is a Roman Numeral so depite your best efforts you answered correctly. Lets see what you wagered. "Suck it Trebeck".
SC: Ahahahaahahahahahahaahahahahaha!
AT: That's all the time we have. Good night. *Burt places oversized hat on Trebek* WOULD YOU GET THAT OFF ME!!
*music starts*