I have watched over you from the heavenly garden with pride in my heart and a lustful look in my all seeing eyes. You, my children, in your quest to spread the word of beer, banter and bum love, are truly the chosen sons of Alan (that’s me btw).

From now on you shall receive my words of wisdom not from the lips of cherubic angels who are as pure as Dino is fat, but via pms, karma messages, and profile page comments. The non believers (fat yanks, and floyd loving fat yanks specifically) shall be slain by suicide alt bombers, who carry exploding pwnages strapped to their sigs.

All ladies from now on must now wear a veil over their avatar, and not post in public unless posted to first…and one can of stella must be consumed for every thread you view.

Oh, and Saddam says hello.

Drunkenness is next to Godliness my children, so come here and cuddle up :beerchug:

Alan, I bow before you and await your devine trousersnake.

Alan Akbar!

Alan, I bow before you and await your devine trousersnake.

Alan Akbar!

Bless you my son, you shall be the first to recieve a holy seeing to with the devine trousersnake.

We have new rules regarding the consumption of meat btw my son. Before, the rule was that you couldn't eat any meat but halal meat. Well I've had a rethink, and now you can nibble on any meat apart from 'Ha! lol' meat.

'Ha! lol' meat is a beef bayonet that is met with derision, for example, when a pitiful beef bayonet is viewed for the first time, a bum boy will say "Ha! lol. I aint playing with that. It will give me no bleeding pleasure". To be more specific, Smokin's trousersnake is an example of Ha! lol meat.

I trust you shall abide by Alan's (that's me btw) wishes.

Bless you my sexy bum boy, you are a fine specimen Southpaw :luvbed:

That's a divine bulge you have in your avatar, Alan.

I won't sleep tonight without knowing what's hidden behind your fly trap of grace.

That's a divine bulge you have in your avatar, Alan.

I won't sleep tonight without knowing what's hidden behind your fly trap of grace.

Very well my child, you shall be granted a viewing of the devine trousersnake. I have blessed myself, as I likewise have blessed you, with a mightily fine one eyed monster...and my one eyed monster is winking at you Shanus.

Very well my child, you shall be granted a viewing of the devine trousersnake. I have blessed myself, as I likewise have blessed you, with a mightily fine one eyed monster...and my one eyed monster is winking at you Shanus.

I'm flattered to say the least, thank you very much, Alan, you answered my prayers before I even considered asking.

I'm flattered to say the least, thank you very much, Alan, you answered my prayers before I even considered asking.

You are welcome my son. I knew the mighty trousersnake I granted you would be put to good use. If I would have blessed Smokin' with a mighty one eyed monster of similar proportions he would have just wasted it's potential, so a twizzle was what he got, and a beast of a beef bayonet was what you got.

Bless you my son, you shall be the first to recieve a holy seeing to with the devine trousersnake.

We have new rules regarding the consumption of meat btw my son. Before, the rule was that you couldn't eat any meat but halal meat. Well I've had a rethink, and now you can nibble on any meat apart from 'Ha! lol' meat.

'Ha! lol' meat is a beef bayonet that is met with derision, for example, when a pitiful beef bayonet is viewed for the first time, a bum boy will say "Ha! lol. I aint playing with that. It will give me no bleeding pleasure". To be more specific, Smokin's trousersnake is an example of Ha! lol meat.

I trust you shall abide by Alan's (that's me btw) wishes.

Bless you my sexy bum boy, you are a fine specimen Southpaw :luvbed:

I shall hang on your every sexy word, Lord Alan. A daily combination of beer and bum fun shall forever be yours. Alan Akbar! :luvbed:

I shall hang on your every sexy word, Lord Alan. A daily combination of beer and bum fun shall forever be yours. Alan Akbar! :luvbed:

Lord Alan (that's me) giveth and he taketh away, but with you my darling, I'll always be giving you one :smileysex

Will any fat yanks make it to Val-alan?

Will any fat yanks make it to Val-alan?

You must die an honoury Alan death, in an orgy with a cucumber in hand.

You must die an honoury Alan death, in an orgy with a cucumber in hand.

I'll do my best; I had some English beer tonight, now I'm switching over to German. Is it okay to just have a wank later, or do I need to talk about it Limey Lang?

I'll do my best; I had some English beer tonight, now I'm switching over to German. Is it okay to just have a wank later, or do I need to talk about it Limey Lang?

Now I know about it I shall pray to Alan for the safe keeping of your sexy soul. Beer and a good wank is limey bum boy material in my book.

Alan Akbar!