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Curly Howard

03-03-2003, 03:28 PM

Date: Mon, 16 Aug 1999 14:48:12 -0700
Subject: A Not-So-Evil Reply
In response to: A Nice Little Evil Person
Hi, my name is Bob.

I saw an ad you put on Classifieds 2000. I wasn't going to respond ('cause I said to myself "Bob, you're not looking!"), but your words stuck in the back of my mind. Your honesty touched a place in me that you may not have intended to. And I loved your cat! (And Alice's ball, er, um, ornament. :)

O.K. The boring intro... (with a twist!)

I'm a single white male, fit, athletic, 34, 5'9", 165 lbs., with light-brown hair and blue eyes. I try to be sweet, caring, and all that good stuff (and I think I am), but I make mistakes too. I am not looking to rush into a relationship (I just got out of one), but I am looking for someone to share my thoughts and friendship with.

I've had a few serious relationships in which I've learned a lot about myself. But I guess (when I look back), I was defining my happiness based on being in a relationship. And I was also placing a lot of emphasis on sex. (O.K., let's cut to the chase. I went in and out of relationships mostly because I was sexually unsatisfied. I thought if I found someone who was intelligent, funny, creative, *and* who liked sex as much as I did, then I'd have it made. And like lot's of men, I thought about how great it would be to meet a women that wanted to make love all the time.)

Well, something happened in my last relationship that has caused me to reflect on my values. I met a woman. She was intelligent. She was attractive (to me). And she wanted sex. So far so good (I thought). But she wanted sex all the time. She didn't want flowers, or soft caress, or a walk in the park, or a candle -light dinner, or a stimulating conversation in the park on a Sunday afternoon. She wanted to have sex. More than anything, she felt loved when she was having sex. Every day. Sometimes three or four times a day! She wanted to give, get, be tied up, be spanked... you name it.

At first I thought "this is great!". But after a while, a very short while..., I didn't want sex every waking minute of the day. I wanted to talk. I wanted to go to a movie (without always making out in the back row). I wanted to go for a walk in the park on a Sunday afternoon (instead of making love for the nth time). And I wanted friendship and intimacy on a deeper level without mind-games and manipulation attached (which I was beginning to feel more and more).

I ended the relationship. I was *really* happy to end the relationship. (Which is not like me because I've always thought I had to be in a relationship to be happy.) And I've been reflecting. A lot. About life. About the things that are really important to me. And about the things that I thought were important, but maybe they are not as important as I thought.

So why am I writing you?

'Cause you made me laugh! And I love Austin Powers, Taco Bell, sushi, Frank Sinatra and Marilyn Monroe. (Now there's a woman! Not some skinny Calvin Klein thing who looks like a boy. Marilyn had hips, and a tummy, and curves... like Bettie Page. If you know who Bettie is... Oh, I don't think we'll go there!)

You were sincere and honest. You were direct (I like that). And I thought maybe you might be looking for someone to talk and share with but not necessarily in a sexual way (right away). I was picking up my email from Hotmail and saw the classifieds section. Temptation set in and... the rest is history... Click! (Well, O.K. Click, click, click.) You just appeared on my screen!

Yeah, I did notice your picture. But I have this odd habit (when I see ads with a picture) of scrolling right to the bottom of my browser where the text is before the picture loads. This way I don't see the picture. If I don't like what I hear... (well, I'm sure you can figure out the rest). It's really cool to see what someone looks like after you've heard them "talk". But it's amazing (or not too amazing) how ugly some people can be after you've "heard" them. You have a beautiful smile and very intense eyes. (Of course I noticed!) And Sheba... (is Sheba your cat? ...I'm in *big* trouble if I get this one wrong!) Now she *has* incredible eyes! And her whiskers, straight, long, black... that real don't ___k with me or I'll scratch your $#%$^^$ eyes out look! She reminds me of Sarah, my little calico, in her jungle mood. (How can ya tell I'm a cat person?)

A little about me...

The job: I'm a systems analyst during the day. In the evening, I'm finishing my degree in computer science. I did courses full time for a couple of years and now I'm finishing my degree through night courses. It was just too much financially to be out of work for four years straight.

My passion: I am a musician (a drummer) and am largely self taught. My teachers have been my ears, my eyes, my heart, and the musics of Africa, Cuba, South America, and now Cape Breton and Ireland. I taught myself to read music which has allowed me to grow immensely. And I have been very lucky to have met some extraordinarily talented people who have taken me in, nurtured me, and allowed me to play with them. Over the last year I have been lucky to play in two distinctly different groups: The Crayons - an R&B/Jazz vocal group, and The Carpenter's Son - a Christian Celtic group. I'm currently recording a CD with The Carpenter's Son which will be the first "album" I've ever played on so I'm pretty excited about that.

Music is a very important part of my life. At one point, I was studying to be a professional drummer. But I thought about it for a long while and realized that there were many other things that were important to me to. So now I just play for fun, balancing my music with the my other interests.

For the last 8 to 9 years I have volunteered for the Canadian Cancer Society, helping organize talent and performing at their 24 hour fun-run. This is something I am very passionate about. I feel very lucky to be able to do something I love while helping people at the same time.

I live in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, in a roof-top apartment that has a beautiful view of the local mountains (Grouse, The Lions, and Seymour - my favorite place for cross country skiing). Because of where I live, my exercise comes from the great outdoors. I paddle on a dragon boat team, hike , cross-country ski, and play squash (O.K. that's indoors, but I love squash!). I used to work out at a gym, but now I have so many other things I'm involved in. So I have a rowing machine and a step machine at home and I fit it in throughout the week when I can.

I have always wanted to move to the East Coast of Canada, but for the last few years school has kept me busy here on the west coast. There are a few places in the world I have been to though: England, Holland, Belgium, Washington, Florida, Chicago, the Oregon coast, LA, in Canada (most of British Columbia, Old Quebec City, Alberta, the Ottawa Valley). My dream right now is to go to Cuba, Trinidad, and the rest of the Caribbean. In music school, I studied Afro-Cuban and Spanish rhythms. I have also read a lot about Cuba's history and the struggles of its peoples (during the Cuban Revolution and after the fall of the Soviet Union). My interest is not political, its just that the food, the people, the music, and the culture fascinate me. I want to experience the people and culture whose music has touched me so much.

When I was in Alberta, I spent some time in Drumheller (the Bad Lands). It's an amazing place. Many of the great dinosaur finds (complete skeletons of tyrannosaurs and other beasts) have been found there. It is such a weird feeling to be standing next to a skeleton that big. It's scary man! And this odd feeling comes over you... like... wait a minute... This is *not* a movie! Oh my God, these things *actually* walked the planet! I went hiking in Horsethief Canyon (just outside Drumheller), and almost passed out, it was so hot! Silly me. I had no water with me. After about three hours hiking into the Canyon I went "Hmmm. Bob, if you get exhausted from no water... nobody around... I could get stuck here and no one would find me!" So I turned around and hiked back. What I did see was really incredible though. The hoodoos are from a time few of us ever see. Very beautiful. Full of expression like the lines in a man's face who has lived a lifetime.

I spend a lot of time babysitting. (Nope, I don't have any kids of my own and I'm undecided about whether I want any.) But I think kids are amazing. My best friend (Linda) has a 5 year old (Ian) and a 7 year old (Andrew). Ian gets all the attention because he is just totally off the wall (he's going through *that* phase: he'll grab your leg and pretend you're an elephant or stick his bum in your face). Trouble with a capital "T". But I love him! I have a special relationship with Andrew though. Andrew is ADD (attention deficit disorder). His dad ignores him and Linda has Ian, Andrew, work, and school - so Andrew doesn't get the extra time he needs. I'm helping him with his reading because he has lots of trouble with multi-syllable words. (Ian, at 5, actually reads better than Andrew). Andrew is a really smart kid though. All he needs is someone to spend the time with him. And he is really sweet too.

Some other things about me: I have a little calico cat (Sarah, who I mentioned above, and who I love all to pieces), I love to cook (especially ethnic foods), I love to read, I like watching movies at home or at the movie theatre (my favorite play is Edward Alzbee’s Zoo Story, favorite film... hmmm... I have so many... the Spanish Like Water For Chocolate... and I loved Big with Tom Hanks), I listen to all kinds of music (classical, rock, jazz, folk, country, bluegrass, R&B, afro-cuban, anything spanish - right now, I'm listening to Natalie MacMaster, the fiddler from Cape Breton, she rocks!), I like to go dancing (even though I'm not any good - I love salsa and I've just started getting into the Country two-step thing, it's a blast!). You'll also find me at the du Maurier International Jazz Festival, the Vancouver Folk Festival, the WISE Hall (Welsh Irish, Scottish, English), and the Dragon Boat Festival (of course!).

I am a pacifist, an equalitarian (my word for saying I agree with what feminism tries to do, to achieve equality for men *and* women, but not with the methods by which it attempts to accomplish it), and a lover of all living creatures. By all rights I should be a vegetarian, but I am not, yet. I've cut all red meat out of my diet, but I still eat chicken and fish occasionally. Because of my love of animals I do things that some people think are silly: picking up spiders and putting them outside (instead of stepping on them), flipping over beetles when they get stuck on their backs.

Hmmm. The romance department. (I am trying to decide whether to leave this out.) O.K. I'm kind, honest, and emotional. I do tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. (I don't keep my emotions inside.) I definitely have a soft, romantic spot. (I've never been much of a "hang out at the bar and drink beer with the guys" kinda' guy.) Communication is extremely important to me as is touch and caress. Unlike sex, I don't think you can ever say the words "I love you" to much. I love doing things like holding the woman I love in my arms and reading to her till she falls asleep. And Kissing is numero-uno! Ya gotta' be able to kiss babe, or ya ain't' gettin' anywhere with me! I'm also very sexually creative, extremely open-minded, and love sharing fantasy and play. But this is not why I wrote you! I just thought it might be interesting to talk. Period.

Up to a few years ago I would have said I'm an atheist or an agnostic. But I've been reading a lot and talking to a lot of my friends about their faith. (I've just finished a wonderful book by C.S. Lewis called "Mere Christianity".) I do think there is a God. But I'm not sure if she/he is the God described in the Bible, or by Christianity, or by Buddhism, or by Hinduism, or by... So far one thing is very clear to me (all religions and denominations aside), it is not the details that matter, it is the doing. If we practice charity, kindness, and humility the world and humanity will be all the better for it. And if that was God's wish for us, we will have accomplished that too.

I do not believe in judging other people. I have friends who are homosexual, friends who are Christian, and friends who are atheist. I love them all. And I've had a few *interesting* life experiences myself. (That should peek your eye! If you' wanna' know, just ask.) If there is a heaven, I think everyone will be going because I believe God is kind and full of love. I do not think God is the cruel, merciless God who punishes people (as described in the Old Testament). I am reading a lot about other faiths too (Buddhism, Hinduism, Libertarianism, etc.) because I find it fascinating. It helps me understand my own faith and have compassion for differing beliefs.

If you'd like to talk, send a note to my email address below. And (if you feel comfortable) tell me some more about yourself. What are you passionate about? What are your dreams? Have you ever killed anybody? (Hey, it never hurts to ask!) Why do you like Mighty Mouse? (I used to watch Scrooge McDuck and Duck Tales all the time. I'd buy the comic books, I went to the movie. Yeah. I know. It's a weird little fetish. Can't really explain it though...)

I hope you get lot's of responses to your ad. (Better ones then last time!) And I hope that one of them touches you. Yes, you may get some misguided people who proposition you. I tried a dating line once before and it was pretty wild. I got some very strange responses and some that were really offensive. Just ignore them and go on. Someone out there will recognize your honesty and intelligence.

traveler's hug, :)

Bob. (_____@_______.com)

P.S.1 I thought about sending you a picture of myself, but I didn't know how to send it. I don't have an ad running and because of this, the system will not let me attach a photo. If you'd like my picture, just ask and I'll send it to you.

P.S.2 I know this sounds bad, but as I was clicking through ad after ad, I pasted links I thought were interesting into a file. After a while, I had a "few" links in there so I decided to start categorizing them. I ended up with two categories: "Maybe Interesting" and "Worth Replying To". You were the only ad I read that made WRT. Thanks for putting a smile on my face.

Lori: Wow! You actually made it all the way down here? I'm impressed!

Don't therapists make about $180 an hour to put up with stuff like this? How could one stupid silly personals ad prompt such a lengthy diatribe? Sounds more like he belongs in a confessional than surfing the web.

A little about me...

The understatement of the millennium.

... your words stuck in the back of my mind. Your honesty touched a place in me that you may not have intended to.

My words? I talked about Austin Powers and Cheez Whiz.

And I've had a few *interesting* life experiences myself. (That should peek your eye! If you' wanna' know, just ask.)

Oh, God... you mean there's MORE?!