what are they?
i have 2 from games, i dont tend to watch movies all that much.

max payne one (said in a chicago gangster accent)
thug one: Why are vampire movies always set in LA or mexico, they can't even get a tan.
they should set them in the north pole, winters one looong night.
thug two: yeah what would ya eat, suck blood from penguins?
thug one: nah eskimoes man, eskimos.

thief the dark project
Guard one:Hey, I'm goin to the bear pits tommorrow, wanna come with?
Guard two:Tuh couldn't pay me enough!
Guard one: Whaaat, you softbelly (text in quotes said in a wimpy boyish voice)"ooooh the blood it just turns my poor tummy"
Guard two: shut up, you want blood you shoulda been there years ago, i tell ya the bears back then, they were somethin to see. You didn't need no pawhooks, cheek****es and all that knivery you straps to 'em now.
Guard one: Huh, what'd they do, just bump into each other?
Guard two: nah, naaah they had claws as long as your finger and wicked teeth.
Guard one: Huh, killer bears, who would o' thought?
Guard two: they just don't make bears like they used to.
----------------------------------------------------------------
classic games, thief was full of these types of conversations but this is my favourite.

i also like the one in fight night 2004 when you fail a training session badly they guy says
" hit the showers kid, you stink"

There are a million great movie quotes. One of my favorites when I was in High School was from the movie Heavy Metal:

"If there's one thing I know it's how to drive when I'm stoned. I mean, you know you perspectives ****ed. You just have to let your hands work the controls as if your straight."

Here's Jonny!

From Clerks. (1994)

[Randal is on the phone when a woman and little girl come to the counter]
'Happy-Scrappy' Mom : Excuse me, do you sell videos?
Randal Graves : Yeah, what're you looking for?
'Happy-Scrappy' Kid : Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.
Randal Graves : Okay, hang on, I'm on the phone with the distribution house now, lemme make sure we got it. What was it called again?
'Happy-Scrappy' Mom : Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.
'Happy-Scrappy' Kid : Happy Scrappy...
'Happy-Scrappy' Mom : She loves it.
Randal Graves : Obviously. Yeah, hello, this is RST Video, customer number 4352, I need to place an order. Okay, I need one each of the following tapes: "Whispers in the Wind", "To Each His Own", "Put It Where It Doesn't Belong", "My Pipes Need Cleaning", "All Tit-****ing Volume 8", "I Need Your ****", "Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers", "My Cunt Needs Shafts", "Cum Clean", "Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts", "Cum Buns III", "Cumming in Socks", "Cum On Eileen", "Huge Black ****s and Pearly White Cum", "Girls Who Crave ****", "Girls Who Crave Cunt", "Men Alone II: the KY Connection", "Pink ***** Lips", and, uh, oh yeah, "All Holes Filled with Hard ****". Uh-huh... yeah... Oh, wait, and, what was that called again?

Jay : I don't care if she's my cousin or not, I'm gonna knock those boots again tonight.

Jay's Lady Friend : He only speaks Russian?
Jay : Naw, he speaks some English, but he can't not speak it good like we do.

Randal Graves : Hey, I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.

Jay : Yeah, Silent Bob, your a rude mother****er, you know that? But you're cute has hell. I could go down on you, suck you, line up three other guys and make like a circus seal.
[Jay makes a rude head gesture and car horn honks]
Jay : Ewww, you ****ing ******, I HATE guys. I LOVE

Olaf Oleeson : My love for you is ticking clock BERSERKER! Would you like to suck my **** BERSERKER!
Willam Black : That's beautiful, man!

Dante Hicks : My sister died doing the backstroke. Ain't that a shameful way to die?
Randal Graves : Not as shameful as what happened to my brother?
Dante Hicks : What happened?
Randal Graves : He broke his neck.
Dante Hicks : How is that shameful?
Randal Graves : He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick. He died with his dick in his mouth and his balls resting against his lips.
Dante Hicks : Wow, he made it.
Dante Hicks : I could never reach it.

More from Clerks...

Indecisive Video Customer : They say so much, but they never tell you if it's any good... are either one of these any good?
[Randal ignores her]
Randal Graves : What?
Indecisive Video Customer : Are either one of these any good?
Randal Graves : I don't watch movies.
Indecisive Video Customer : Well, have you heard anything about either one of them?
Randal Graves : I find it's best to stay out of other people's affairs.
Indecisive Video Customer : You mean you've haven't heard anybody say anything about either one of these?
Randal Graves : Nope.
Indecisive Video Customer : [Turns around, then shows Randal the same movies] Well, what about these two?
Randal Graves : Oh, they suck.
Indecisive Video Customer : These are the same two movies! You weren't paying any attention!
Randal Graves : No, I wasn't.
Indecisive Video Customer : I don't think your manager would appreciate...
Randal Graves : I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am.
Indecisive Video Customer : I beg your pardon?
Randal Graves : Your ruse; your cunning attempt to trick me.
Indecisive Video Customer : I was only pointing out that you weren't paying any attention to what I was saying!
Randal Graves : And, I hope it feels good.
Indecisive Video Customer : You hope WHAT feels good?
Randal Graves : I hope it feels so good to be right. There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?
Indecisive Video Customer : Well, this is the last time I rent here!
Randal Graves : You'll be missed.
Indecisive Video Customer : Screw you!
[leaves]
Randal Graves : [runs to the door] Hey! You're not allowed to rent here anymore!

Dante Hicks : You said you only had sex with three different guys; you never mentioned him!
Veronica Loughran : Because I never HAD sex with him.
Dante Hicks : You sucked his dick!
Veronica Loughran : We went out a few times. We never had sex but we fooled around.
Dante Hicks : Oh my God, WHY did you tell me you only had sex with three different guys?
Veronica Loughran : Because I DID only have sex with three different guys; that doesn't mean I didn't just go with people.
Dante Hicks : Oh my God, I feel so nauseous!
Veronica Loughran : I'm sorry, Dante, I thought you understood!
Dante Hicks : I did understand! I understood that you had sex with three different guys and that's all you said!
Veronica Loughran : Please calm down.
Dante Hicks : How many?
Veronica Loughran : Dante...
Dante Hicks : How many dicks have you sucked?
Veronica Loughran : Let it go!
Dante Hicks : How many?
Veronica Loughran : All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you ****ed!
Dante Hicks : This is different, this is important. How many?
[long pause as customer buys something]
Dante Hicks : Well?
Veronica Loughran : Something like... 36.
Dante Hicks : What? Something like 36?
Veronica Loughran : Lower your voice.
Dante Hicks : Wait a minute, what is that anyway, something like 36? Does that INCLUDE me?
Veronica Loughran : Ummm... 37.
Dante Hicks : I'm 37?

Dante Hicks : My girlfriend's sucked 37 dicks!
Customer with Diapers : In a row?

Dante Hicks : What's your encore? Do you, like, anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?

From Annie Hall

Alvy Singer : What's with all these awards? They're always giving out awards. Best Fascist Dictator: Adolf Hitler.

Alvy Singer : There's an old joke. Uh, two elderly women are at a Catskills mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know, and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life. Full of loneliness and misery and suffering and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.

Alvy Singer : I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.

Alvy Singer : They did not take me in the Army. I was, um, interestingly enough, I was, I was 4-P. Yes. In the, in the event of war, I'm a hostage.

Alvy Singer : I though of that old joke, y'know, the, this, this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" And the guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much how I feel about relationships. Y'know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd and, but, uh, I guess we keep going through it because, uh, most of us need the eggs.

Alvy Singer : Lyndon Johnson is a politician, you know the ethics those guys have. It's like a notch underneath child molester.

Rob has bailed Alvy out of jail]
Rob : Imagine my surprise when I got your call, Max.
Alvy: Yeah. I had the feeling that I got you at a bad moment. You know, I heard high-pitched squealing.
Rob : Twins, Max! 16 years-old. Can you imagine the mathematical possibilities?
Alvy: [glum] You're an actor, Max. You should be doing Shakespeare in the Park.
Rob : Oh, I did Shakespeare in the Park, Max. I got mugged. I was playing Richard the Second and two guys with leather jackets stole my leotard

"Your just jealous because me and SteveDave are having a sleepover at SteveDave's moms house!"

Great Clerks quotes there neils.

"Some mother****ers are always trying to Ice Skate up hill" Blade

I don't know why but i love that little quote. :D

Man has got to know his limitations - Dirthy Harry
Shake it baby!! - Duke Nukem :D

"It feels so good it's painful." - I Spit On Your Grave

"It feels so good it's painful." - I Spit On Your Grave


I can't believe a "best" quote originated from I Spit on Your Grave. What a terrible, vile, disgusting exploitive movie. Just terrible.

I have the DVD with the Joe Bob Briggs commentary.

But it still sucks.

From Annie Hall

Alvy Singer : What's with all these awards? They're always giving out awards. Best Fascist Dictator: Adolf Hitler.

Alvy Singer : There's an old joke. Uh, two elderly women are at a Catskills mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know, and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life. Full of loneliness and misery and suffering and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.

Alvy Singer : I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.

Alvy Singer : They did not take me in the Army. I was, um, interestingly enough, I was, I was 4-P. Yes. In the, in the event of war, I'm a hostage.

Alvy Singer : I though of that old joke, y'know, the, this, this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" And the guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much how I feel about relationships. Y'know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd and, but, uh, I guess we keep going through it because, uh, most of us need the eggs.

Alvy Singer : Lyndon Johnson is a politician, you know the ethics those guys have. It's like a notch underneath child molester.

Rob has bailed Alvy out of jail]
Rob : Imagine my surprise when I got your call, Max.
Alvy: Yeah. I had the feeling that I got you at a bad moment. You know, I heard high-pitched squealing.
Rob : Twins, Max! 16 years-old. Can you imagine the mathematical possibilities?
Alvy: [glum] You're an actor, Max. You should be doing Shakespeare in the Park.
Rob : Oh, I did Shakespeare in the Park, Max. I got mugged. I was playing Richard the Second and two guys with leather jackets stole my leotard
GOD! Is there anything more dated looking or unhip than '70s Woody Allen dialogue??
He makes Bob Hope seem cutting edge!! :rolleyes:

You got knocked the **** out - Friday

Remember my mate saying it after i knocked someone out, it was in all the witness statements at court!! When they read it out i couldnt stop laughing!! :D

GOD! Is there anything more dated looking or unhip than '70s Woody Allen dialogue??
He makes Bob Hope seem cutting edge!! :rolleyes:

Since when does a movie being "dated" make it bad? There's a lot of crap coming out in theaters weekly. The best titles I've seen recently have all been well over 20 years old.

tombstone-

wyatt- "easy kid im sorry"
cowboy- "im not easy and im not your kid, you can take sorry and shove it up your ass"

pulp fiction-

vincent- "you dont eat pig, what are you jewish?"
jules- "no man i just dont dig on swine thats all"

tombstone-

wyatt- "easy kid im sorry"
cowboy- "im not easy and im not your kid, you can take sorry and shove it up your ass"

pulp fiction-

vincent- "you dont eat pig, what are you jewish?"
jules- "no man i just dont dig on swine thats all"

Good one from Pulp Fiction...also, "English mother****er do you speak it?!?!" - Jules Winfield

"Mmmmmm...That IS a tasty burger!" - Jules Winfield

"Oh I'm sorry, did I break your concentration?"

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee." - Jules Winfield

Vincent : Want some bacon?
Jules : No man, I don't eat pork.
Vincent : Are you Jewish?
Jules : Nah, I ain't Jewish, I just don't dig on swine, that's all.
Vincent : Why not?
Jules : Pigs are filthy animals. I don't eat filthy animals.
Vincent : Bacon tastes gooood. Pork chops taste gooood.
Jules : Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy mother****er. Pigs sleep and root in ****. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eat nothin' that ain't got enough sense enough to disregard its own feces.
Vincent : How about a dog? Dogs eats its own feces.
Jules : I don't eat dog either.
Vincent : Yeah, but do you consider a dog to be a filthy animal?
Jules : I wouldn't go so far as to call a dog filthy but they're definitely dirty. But, a dog's got personality. Personality goes a long way.
Vincent : Ah, so by that rationale, if a pig had a better personality, he would cease to be a filthy animal. Is that true?
Jules : Well we'd have to be talkin' about one charmin' mother****in' pig. I mean he'd have to be ten times more charmin' than that Arnold on Green Acres, you know what I'm sayin'?

Hey ****-Ass, get me a beer!!! - Boondock Saints

There is a lot of them from this movie... Has anyone else here seen this movie and what did you think??? It is one of my favorites!!!

Give me some sugar baby!!!

That was just pillow talk!!! - both from Army of Darkness

From the Big Lebowski:

Maude Lebowski: What do you do for recreation?
The Dude: Oh, the usual. Bowl, drive around. The occasional acid flashback.

The Dude: **** sympathy! I don't need your ****in' sympathy, man, I need my ****ing johnson!
Donny: What do you need that for, Dude?

Walter Sobchak: Nihilists! **** me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.


Walter Sobchak: ****ing dip**** with a nine toed woman.

The Dude: What's in the ****in' carrier?
Walter Sobchak: Huh? Oh, that's Cynthia's dog. I think it's a Pomeranian. I can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. I'm watching him while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii.
The Dude: You brought the ****in' Pomeranian bowling?
Walter Sobchak: What do you mean brought it bowling, Dude? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a ****ing beer. He's not taking your ****ing turn, Dude.
The Dude: Man, if my ****in' ex-wife asked me to take care of her ****in' dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu I'd tell her to go **** herself.

Walter Sobchak: This is what happens when you **** A STRANGER IN THE ASS!


Brandt: Mr. Lebowski is prepared to make a generous offer to you to act as courier, once we get instructions for the money.
The Dude: Why me, man?
Brandt: He believes the culprits might be the very people who, uh, soiled your rug, and you are in a unique position to confirm or disconfirm that suspicion.
The Dude: He thinks the carpet pissers did this?

The Stranger: Do you have to use so many cuss words?
The Dude: What the **** you talking about?

The Dude: Well, I still jerk off manually.

Jeffrey Lebowski: Isn't that what makes a man?
The Dude: Mmm, sure. That and a pair of testicles.

Bunny Lebowski: I'll suck your **** for a thousand dollars.
Brandt: Ah ha ha ha ha! Wonderful woman. Very free-spirited. We're all very fond of her.
Bunny Lebowski: Brandt can't watch, though, or he has to pay a hundred.
Brandt: Ah ha ha ha. That's marvelous.
The Dude: Uh, I'm, uh just going to find a cash machine...

Walter Sobchak: OVER THE LINE!
Smokey: Huh?
Walter Sobchak: I'm sorry, Smokey. You were over the line, that's a foul.
Smokey: Bull****. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: Uh, excuse me. Mark it zero. Next frame.
Smokey: Bull****, Walter. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.

From Duck Soup (1933)

Rufus T. Firefly : I got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

Rufus T. Firefly : Oh, uh, I suppose you would think me a sentimental old fluff, but, uh, would you mind giving me lock of your hair?
Mrs. Teasdale : A lock of my hair? Wh-why, I had no idea.
Rufus T. Firefly : I'm letting you off easy: I was going to ask for the whole wig.

Rufus T. Firefly : I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can't see the stove.

Rufus T. Firefly : We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is more than she ever did.

Minister of Finance : Here is the Treasury Department's report, sir. I hope you'll find it clear.
Rufus T. Firefly : Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child could understand this report.
[to Bob Roland]
Rufus T. Firefly : Run out and find me a four-year-old child, I can't make head or tail of it.

Rufus T. Firefly : [over radio] This is Rufus T. Firefly coming to you through the courtesy of the enemy. We're in a mess folks, we're in a mess. Rush to Freedonia. Three men and one woman are trapped in a building. Send help at once! If you can't send help, send two more women. Make that THREE more women!

Rufus T. Firefly: Pick a card, any card.
Woman: What do I do with it?
Rufus T. Firefly: Keep it, I got 51 more left.

Hey ****-Ass, get me a beer!!! - Boondock Saints

There is a lot of them from this movie... Has anyone else here seen this movie and what did you think??? It is one of my favorites!!!

Give me some sugar baby!!!

That was just pillow talk!!! - both from Army of
Darkness
Boondock saints kicks ass. I love when their Italian friend freaks out on his girlfriend. "If you can remember that cats name Ill blow my ****ing brains out" or
"I cant run to the store for a pack of smokes without running into someone you've ****ed"

The big lebowski has got to be the most quoteable movies ever. Every line in the movie is funnier than ****. Some of my favorites from the big lebowski.(some are sonnys also)

The dude: "How's the smut business jackie?"
Treehorn: "I wouldn't know dude, Im in publishing"
The dude: "Oh yeah, which one is Logjammin?"

Donnie: "phones ringing dude." (its been ringing for minutes)
The dude: "thank you donnie"

Donnie: "Lebowski??, thats your name dude."

woo and thug: "Jackie Treehorn knows which lebowski you are, and he wants to see the deadbeat lebowski"

dude: "can you just calm down, man"
walter: "Im calmer than you are dude"
dude: "waiving the ****ing gun around?!"
walter: "calmer than you dude."
I could go on and on.

Boondock saints kicks ass. I love when their Italian friend freaks out on his girlfriend. "If you can remember that cats name Ill blow my ****ing brains out" or
"I cant run to the store for a pack of smokes without running into someone you've ****ed"


Yeah, The Funny Man!!!

What about Willem Dafoe's charecter Smecker???

Just poor the drink you fairy ****... And

I just wanted to cuddle! Cuddle? What a ***!!!

the first rule of fight club is you do not talk about fight club
the second rule of fight club is, YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB.
third rule of fight club, someone yells stop, goes limp, taps out, the fight is over
fourth rule, only two guys to a fight
fifth rule, one fight at a time fellas
sixth rule, no shirts, no shoes
seventh rule, fights will go on as long as they have to
and the eighth and final rule, if this is your first night at fight club, you have to fight.

"I require a cutting tool." Courtesy of none other than the Governator Arnold Schwarzeneggar.

From Shaun Of The Dead.

"****a-doodle-doo!"

"English Mother****er!!! DO you speak it???"
-Jules from Pulp Fiction

"What the **** did I do?"
-Jimmy McNulty from The Wire

"I eat the *****, I eat the butt, I eat every damn thing!" - Samuel L. Jackson in True Romance.

Yeah, The Funny Man!!!

What about Willem Dafoe's charecter Smecker???

Just poor the drink you fairy ****... And

I just wanted to cuddle! Cuddle? What a ***!!!

Dafoe was off the wall in that flick :D

"We are going to play a little game. It's called Who is Your daddy, and what does he do?"
-Schwarzenegger, Kindergarten Cop

There's something about Marry- Have you seen my weenuh??? :D

from "The Ladies Man"

Leon: My car doesn't, um, exist.


Julie: 'Pina Colada Butt Lotion'? Where do you find this?
Leon: Mostly K-Mart, Wal-Mart...

Leon: Hey baby, can I buy you a fish sandwich?

Leon: "Was your daddy a meat burglar? Cause it looks like someone stole two fine hams and shoved them down the back of your dress."

Leon: "Do you want to do it in da butt?"


Leon: Take yo panties off and hang out at the bus station.

"I have a PhD in Tang."

Nun: "Have you ever been down the yellow river?"
Leon: "Yes, once back in the eighties. But I did not like it."

Leon: "You know who’s fault this is, right? It’s the fault of the wang. I should cut this thing off."
Julie: "No, don't do that"
Leon: "Yeah, you're right. I can't believe I said that."

Leon: excuse me, ladies, if you're not freaky or disgusting, please call me…

"Watch this dude, I'm gonna make Gretzky's head bleed!"

-Swingers

If a cannibal used a knife and fork, would you call that progress? - G.I. Jane

You know what capitalism is? Getting ****ed! - Scarface

Is this it? That's what it's all about, Manny? Eating, drinking, ****ing, sucking? Snorting? Then what? You're 50. You got a bag for a belly. You got tits, you need a bra. They got hair on them.
- also from Scarface

Benny Blanco : Maybe you don't remember me...
Carlito : Maybe I don't remember the last time I blew my nose either.
- Carlito's Way

"You have a big *****!" - Robin Williams playing a Dr. in some Euro accent

"Excuse me?" - Julianne Moore perplexed/annoyed

"...hmmm, hairy! ...cute! ...nice!" - RW

"What?!" - JM

"...no, no, no...four legs" - RW

"...a kitty?" - JM

"Yes! a kitty, kitty" - RW

Nine Months

Roy Munson: " You know what the bible says about not forgiving..."

Ish : " I know exactly what it says... It's against it."

from Kingpin

What was you gonna do tommy, bust a cap in his ass aye
~Turkish
Honesty like this makes me grow a rubbery one
~Jack
HELLO CLEVELAND!
~Spinal Tap

Show me yours and I'll show you mine....

-Duke Nukem

I'm gonna rip off your balls and shove it up your ass...that way when you take a ****....you'll **** all over your balls.

-Team America

haha yea or HERRO! and HOW YOU LIKE HANS BRINK!

"Say hello to my little friend" - Al Pacino in "Scarface"

"You can all kiss my Rebel dick" - Dennis Quad in "Wyatt Earp"

Boiler Room (2000)

Jim Young: Anybody who tells you money is the root of all evil doesn't ****ing have any.



Jim Young: They say money can't buy happiness? Look at the smile on my face. Ear to ear, baby.

Seth Davis: The only people making money passing are NFL quarterbacks, and Alan, I don't see a number on your back.

Memorable Quotes from
Boiler Room (2000)
Seth Davis : Fine! I'll take you off my list of successful people today!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jim Young : And there is no such thing as a no sale call. A sale is made on every call you make. Either you sell the client some stock or he sells you a reason he can't. Either way a sale is made, the only question is who is gonna close? You or him? Now be relentless, that's it, I'm done.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jim Young : They say money can't buy happiness? Look at the ****ing smile on my face. Ear to ear, baby.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jim Young : Anybody who tells you money is the root of all evil doesn't ****ing have any.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seth Davis : The only people making money passing are NFL quarterbacks, and Alan, I don't see a number on your back.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Greg Weinstein : Don't pitch the *****.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chris Varick : Hey, kid, get the **** outa here.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seth Davis : I read this article a while back, that said that Microsoft employs more millionaire secretary's that any other company in the world. They took stock options over Christmas bonuses. It was a good move. I remember there was this picture, of one of the groundskeepers next to his Ferrari. Blew my mind. you see **** like that, and it just plants seeds, makes you think its possible, even easy. And then you turn on the TV, and there's just more of it. The $87 Million lottery winner, that kid actor that just made 20 million o his last movie, that internet stock that shot through the roof, you could have made millions if you had just gotten in early, and that's exactly what I wanted to do: get in. I didn't want to be an innovator any more, i just wanted to make the quick and easy buck, i just wanted in. The Notorious BIG said it best: "Either you're slingin' crack-rock, or you've got a wicked jump-shot." Nobody wants to work for it anymore. There's no honor in taking that after school job at Mickey Dee's, honor's in the dollar, kid. So I went the white boy way of slinging crack-rock: I became a stock broker.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Broker: Pickup your skirt grab your balls and lets make some money.

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Seth Davis : Its strange to think how that knock changed everything, everything, hey don't get me wrong here, I don't believe in fate, i believe in odds

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Greg Weinstein : Don't you have a canoli you can stick in your mouth?
Chris Varick : Don't you have a menorah you could shove up your ass?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jim Young : You Want details? Fine. I drive a Ferrari, 355 Cabriolet, What's up? I have a ridiculous house in the South Fork. I have every toy you could possibly imagine. And best of all kids, I am liquid.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Richie : Get the **** out of here before I put you in a mayonnaise jar, OK?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Richie : When was the last time you closed something huh? You couldn't close a ****in' window you moron!

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Greg Weinstein : You produce more wood than Ron Jeremy. Instead of yelling RECO you should yell TIMBER!

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Fight club

Fight Club

Narrator (Edward Norton): When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake.


Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt): Did you know if you mixed equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate, you can make napalm?
Norton Character: No, I did not know that. Is that true?
Tyler: That's right. One can make all kinds of explosives using simple household items.
Norton Character: Really?
Tyler: If one were so inclined.


Tyler: Now a question of etiquette, as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?


Tyler: The things you own end up owning you.


Norton Character: This is crazy, you want me to hit you?
Tyler: That's right.
Norton Character: Where, like in the face?
Tyler: Surprise me.


Tyler: The first rule of fight club is, you do not talk about fight club. The second rule of fight club is, you do not talk about fight club. The third rule of fight club, someone yells stop, goes limp, taps out, the fight is over. The fourth rule: only two guys to a fight. The fifth rule, only one fight at a time fellas. The sixth rule: no shirts, no shoes. The seventh rule, fights will go on as long as they have to. And the eighth and final rule, if this is your first night at fight club, you have to fight.


[After meeting and having sex with Marla]
Tyler: [laughing] You got some ****ed up friends, I'm telling you. Limber though.


Tyler: It's only after we've lost everything, that we are free to do anything.


Narrator: It was beautiful, we were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them.


Tyler: We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars, but we won't, and we're slowly learning that fact, and we're very very pissed off.


Tyler: We're the middle children of history man, no purpose or place. We have no great war, no great depression. Our great war is a spiritual war, our great depression is our lives.


Tyler: Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate, so we can buy **** we don't need.


Tyler: You are not your job, you're not how much money you have in the bank, you're not the car you drive, you're not the contents of your wallet, you're not your ****ing khakis. You are the all singing, all dancing, crap of the world.


Marla Singer (Helena Bonham Carter): I'm not paying this back, I consider it ******* tax.


Norton Character: Tyler you are by far the most interesting single serving friend I have ever met. See, I have this thing, everything on a plane is single serving even the people...
Tyler: Oh, I get it, it's very clever.
Norton Character: Thank you.
Tyler: How's that working out for you?
Norton Character: What?
Tyler: Being clever?
Norton Character: Great.
Tyler: Keep it up then.

From Full Metal Jacket

Hartman: "Private Pile, you climb obstacles like old people f*ck"

Hartman: "I bet if there was a piece of p*ussy up there, you'd get up there"

Hartman: "If God wanted you up there Pile , he would have put you there"

Soldier: "What we have here is some Alabama blacksnake, but its not too boku"

Hartman: "What's your excuse?"
Cowboy: "Excuse for what sir"
Hartman: "I'm asking the f*cking questions"
Cowboy: "Sir yes sir"
Hartman: "Well thank you very much, can I be in charge for a while?"

Hartman: "How tall are you prvate?"
Cowboy: "5'9 sire"
Hartman: 5'9? I didnt know they stacked sh*t that high?"

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Fight club

F***, that's an awesome line. Great, great, great film.

From The Shining :

"Wendy...honey....light of my life. I don't want to hurt you. I just want to bash your brains in. Bash your brains...the **** in."

From American Wedding:

Girl in Club: Hey I want you to meet my friend Barry!

Stifler: Wow you are a bear...Rarrrrrrgh

Barry: Rarrrrgh

Stifler: How much you bench?

Barry: How much you weigh?

Stifler: Why you think you could pick me up?

Barry: I bet I could!

Stifler: Yeah I bet you could...you are BIG! You know I could use a guy like you on my team.

Barry: Heh, are you talking about "OUR" team, or an actual team?

Stifler: Hi, where is the girl? What is our team? What the **** is going on here?

Barry: I think you'd better take another look around.

Stifler (looking around in a bewildered manner): Oh my god what the **** is going on???

From Bruce Lee's Enter the Dragon: after the guy breaks the board in front of his face bruce looks him dead in the eye "Boards don't hit back."

"Never take your eyes off your opponent, even when you bow." - Enter the Dragon

"Don't confuse luck with skill!" - The Replacement Killers

"If you can't be strong, you'd better be smart!" - Gangs of New York

"You'll never know your enemy until you fight him." - Matrix Revolutions

From American Wedding:

Girl in Club: Hey I want you to meet my friend Barry!

Stifler: Wow you are a bear...Rarrrrrrgh

Barry: Rarrrrgh

Stifler: How much you bench?

Barry: How much you weigh?

Stifler: Why you think you could pick me up?

Barry: I bet I could!

Stifler: Yeah I bet you could...you are BIG! You know I could use a guy like you on my team.

Barry: Heh, are you talking about "OUR" team, or an actual team?

Stifler: Hi, where is the girl? What is our team? What the **** is going on here?

Barry: I think you'd better take another look around.

Stifler (looking around in a bewildered manner): Oh my god what the **** is going on???

Michelle: Love isn't just a feeling. It's shaving your balls.

"All every woman really wants, be it mother, senator, nun, is some serious deep-dickin'. "

"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hooper: For years in this industry, whenever an African American character, hero or villain, was introduced - usually by white artists and writers - they got slapped with racist names that singled them out as Negroes. Now, my book, "White-Hating Coon," don't have none of that bull****. The hero's name is Maleekwa, and he's descended from the black tribe that established the first society on the planet, while all you European mother****ers were hiding out in caves and ****, all terrified of the sun. He's a strong role model that a young black reader can look up to. Cause I'm here to tell you, the chickens is coming home to roost, y'all. The black man's no longer gonna play the minstrel in the realm of comics and sci-fi fantasy. We keepin it real, and we gonna get respect by any means necessary.
Holden: Ah, come on, that's a bunch of horse ****! Lando Calrissian was a black guy. You know, and he got to fly the Millennium Falcon, what's the matter with you?
Hooper: Who said that?
Holden: I did! Lando Calrissian is a strong role-model in the realm of science fiction/fantasy.
Hooper: **** Lando Calrissian! Uncle-Tom ******! "

yeah, i just watched Chasing Amy, **** that movie had so many funny lines in it, hell, i'm still laughing everytime i hear the word fingercuffs

"All every woman really wants, be it mother, senator, nun, is some serious deep-dickin'. "

"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hooper: For years in this industry, whenever an African American character, hero or villain, was introduced - usually by white artists and writers - they got slapped with racist names that singled them out as Negroes. Now, my book, "White-Hating Coon," don't have none of that bull****. The hero's name is Maleekwa, and he's descended from the black tribe that established the first society on the planet, while all you European mother****ers were hiding out in caves and ****, all terrified of the sun. He's a strong role model that a young black reader can look up to. Cause I'm here to tell you, the chickens is coming home to roost, y'all. The black man's no longer gonna play the minstrel in the realm of comics and sci-fi fantasy. We keepin it real, and we gonna get respect by any means necessary.
Holden: Ah, come on, that's a bunch of horse ****! Lando Calrissian was a black guy. You know, and he got to fly the Millennium Falcon, what's the matter with you?
Hooper: Who said that?
Holden: I did! Lando Calrissian is a strong role-model in the realm of science fiction/fantasy.
Hooper: **** Lando Calrissian! Uncle-Tom ******! "

yeah, i just watched Chasing Amy, **** that movie had so many funny lines in it, hell, i'm still laughing everytime i hear the word fingercuffs


what's a nubian?

"Fingercuffs" Yeah me too. Everytime I hear it I smile. Funny movie.

what's a nubian?


"Shut the **** up!" :D

Are you gonna do somthing or just stand there and bleed - Wyatt Earp, Tombstone.

A drug person can learn to deal with seeing things like his dead grandmother crawl up his leg with a butcher knife inbetween her teeth, but nobody should be asked to handle this trip. - Dr. Raoul Duke, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

Beeatch!

What about the part where Hooper talks about the racism in Star Wars? I thought that was the best bit.

"The thing I like about high school girls is that as I get older they stay the same age" - Dazed and Confused

HOOPER
**** Lando Calrissian! Uncle Tom
******! Always some white boy gotta
invoke `the holy trilogy'! Bust this -
those movies are about how the white
man keeps the brother man down - even
in a galaxy far, far away. Check
this ****. You got cracker farm-boy
Luke Skywalker, Nazi poster boy -
blond hair, blue eyes.
And then you've got Darth
Vader: the blackest brother in the
galaxy. Nubian God.

BANKY
What's a Nubian?

HOOPER
Shut the **** up! Now Vader, he's a
spiritual brother, with the force and
all that ****. Then this cracker
Skywalker gets his hands on a light-
saber, and the boy decides he's
gonna run the ****ing universe - gets
a whole Klan of whites together, and
they're gonna bust up Vader's `hood
the Death Star. Now what the **** do
you call that!

BANKY
Intergalactic Civil War!

HOOPER
Gentrification. They're gonna drive
our the black element, to make the
galaxy quote, unquote `safe' for white
folks.


HOOPER
Don't make me bust a cap in your ass,
yo! Jedi's the most insulting
installment, because Vader's
beautiful, black visage is
sullied when he pulls off his mask to
reveal a feeble, crusty white man!
They're trying to tell us that deep
inside, we all want to be white!

Gary Johnston: We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are *******. And Kim Jong Il is an *******. ******* don't like dicks because ******* get ****ed by dicks. But dicks also **** *******s. *******s that just want to **** on everything. ******* may think they can deal with *******s their way. But the only thing that can **** a ******* is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is they **** too much or **** when it isn't appropriate. And it takes a ***** to show them that. But sometimes ******* can be so full of **** that they become *******s themselves. Because ******* are a inch and half away from *******s. I don't know much about this crazy crazy world, but I do know this. If you don't let us **** this ******* we're going to have our dicks and ******* all covered in ****.

- Team America, World Police

rock bottom kid a college education
~death to smoochie
Honesty like that makes me grow a rubbery one
~fight club
Shut Shut Shut Shut THE **** UP!
~punch drunk love
hey dog!
~collateral
I just think you're the ****in anti-christ
~donnie darko
It's ****E being Scottish! We're the lowest of the low. The scum of the ****ing Earth! The most wretched miserable servile pathetic trash that was ever shat on civilization. Some people hate the English. I don't. They're just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers. Can't even find a decent culture to get colonized by. We're ruled by effete *******s. It's a ****e state of affairs to be in, Tommy, and all the fresh air in the world won't make any ****ing difference!
_Trainspotting

Another good one from Donnie Darko - First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village, but the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have reproductive organs under those little white pants. That's what's so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What's the point of living if you don't have a dick?

HOOPER
**** Lando Calrissian! Uncle Tom
******! Always some white boy gotta
invoke `the holy trilogy'! Bust this -
those movies are about how the white
man keeps the brother man down - even
in a galaxy far, far away. Check
this ****. You got cracker farm-boy
Luke Skywalker, Nazi poster boy -
blond hair, blue eyes.
And then you've got Darth
Vader: the blackest brother in the
galaxy. Nubian God.

BANKY
What's a Nubian?

HOOPER
Shut the **** up! Now Vader, he's a
spiritual brother, with the force and
all that ****. Then this cracker
Skywalker gets his hands on a light-
saber, and the boy decides he's
gonna run the ****ing universe - gets
a whole Klan of whites together, and
they're gonna bust up Vader's `hood
the Death Star. Now what the **** do
you call that!

BANKY
Intergalactic Civil War!

HOOPER
Gentrification. They're gonna drive
our the black element, to make the
galaxy quote, unquote `safe' for white
folks.


HOOPER
Don't make me bust a cap in your ass,
yo! Jedi's the most insulting
installment, because Vader's
beautiful, black visage is
sullied when he pulls off his mask to
reveal a feeble, crusty white man!
They're trying to tell us that deep
inside, we all want to be white!


yeah, i love that part too, especially, "Thye're trying to tell us that deep inside we all want to be white!"

also when Banky says, " i feel a hate crime coming on "

and this one from True Romance:

Clifford Worley: You're Sicilian, huh?
Coccotti: Yeah, Sicilian.
Clifford Worley: Ya know, I read a lot. Especially about things... about history. I find that **** fascinating. Here's a fact I don't know whether you know or not. Sicilians were spawned by ******s.
Coccotti: Come again?
Clifford Worley: It's a fact. Yeah. You see, uh, Sicilians have, uh, black blood pumpin' through their hearts. Hey, no, if eh, if eh, if you don't believe me, uh, you can look it up. Hundreds and hundreds of years ago, uh, you see, uh, the Moors conquered Sicily. And the Moors are ******s.
Coccotti: Yes...
Clifford Worley: So you see, way back then, uh, Sicilians were like, uh, wops from Northern Italy. Ah, they all had blonde hair and blue eyes, but, uh, well, then the Moors moved in there, and uh, well, they changed the whole country. They did so much ****in' with Sicilian women, huh? That they changed the whole bloodline forever. That's why blonde hair and blue eyes became black hair and dark skin. You know, it's absolutely amazing to me to think that to this day, hundreds of years later, that, uh, that Sicilians still carry that ****** gene. Now this...
[Coccotti busts out laughing]
Clifford Worley: No, I'm, no, I'm quoting... history. It's written. It's a fact, it's written.
Coccotti: [Laughing] I love this guy.
Clifford Worley: Your ancestors are ******s. Uh-huh.
[Starts laughing, too]
Clifford Worley: Hey. Yeah. And, and your great-great-great-great grandmother ****ed a ******, ho, ho, yeah, and she had a half-****** kid... now, if that's a fact, tell me, am I lying? 'Cause you, you're part eggplant.

and the part in donni darko just before donnie says the part quoted above by another poster where donnie's friend says BIg Poppa Smurf films the gangbang on Anna Nicole Smurfette and then later he watches the films and beats off - i can't hear that **** without laughing my ass off


oh yeah, and this part of Jackie Brown:
[Louis and Melanie are looking at a picture]
Melanie: That's Japan.
Louis: Uh, looks like... I can... It shows...
Melanie: Wanna ****?
Louis: Yeah.
[three minutes later]
Melanie: That was fun.
Louis: Yeah, that hit the spot
Melanie: Now, we can catch up.
Louis: Yeah.
[heavy breathing]
Louis: Got a bear?
Melanie: Sure. In the fridge.

From 'A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (1966)'

Hero: People do not go around freeing slaves every day.
Pseudolus: Be the first. Start a fashion.

Lycus: If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times; do not fan the girls when they're wet! But you'll never learn, you'll be a eunuch all your life.

Domina: That breeder woman, has she been thrown a mate yet?
Hysterium: Alas, she refuses just any slave. She demands to choose.
Senex: Choose? She'll breed and like it, like everyone. Well, almost everyone.

Miles Gloriosus: You, slave, will be torn apart by horses, to the plaudits of the troops and the amusement of the children.

Philia: That's the brute who raped my country, Thrace!
Pseudolus: He raped Thrace?
Philia: And then he came and did it again! And then again!
Pseudolus: He raped Thrace thrice?

Centurion: It's against Roman law to take one's life. Penalty's death

From 'What's New, *****cat?' (1965)

Michael James: Did you find a job?
Victor Skakapopulis: Yeah, I got something at the striptease. I help the girls dress and undress.
Michael James: Nice job.
Victor Skakapopulis: Twenty francs a week.
Michael James: Not very much.
Victor Skakapopulis: It's all I can afford.

from Carlito's Way "you do what you gotta do to Survive"

Mei ling ... snake?

Fatman: "Laugh and grow fat."

It's a silly quote but I've always liked this one from Heavy Metal:

"If there's one thing I know, it's how to drive while I'm stoned."

"Waste the motha****as!" - Samuel L. Jackson in Rules of Engagement

Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it? That's what it is to be a slave. I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I've watched C beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time like tears in rain.

It's too bad she won't live, but then again who does? - Blade runner

I just heard another pretty memorable speech in the movie Team America: World Police:

Guy in Bar: See, there's three kinds of people: dicks, *******, and *******s. ******* think everyone can get along, and dicks just want to **** all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your *******s, Chuck. And all the *******s want us to **** all over everything! So, ******* may get mad at dicks once in a while, because ******* get ****ed by dicks. But dicks also **** *******s, Chuck. And if they didn't **** the *******s, you know what you'd get? You'd get your dick and your ***** all covered in ****

Followed by, later on:

Gary Johnston: We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are *******. And Kim Jong Il is an *******. ******* don't like dicks, because ******* get ****ed by dicks. But dicks also **** *******s: *******s that just want to **** on everything. ******* may think they can deal with *******s their way. But the only thing that can **** an ******* is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they **** too much or **** when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a ***** to show them that. But sometimes, ******* can be so full of **** that they become *******s themselves... because ******* are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us **** this *******, we're going to have our dicks and ******* all covered in ****!

And finally:

Lisa: [to Gary] You had me at "dicks **** *******s".