WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:

'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."

"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads:

'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

Sounds like the sort of argument my parents might have... LOL.

- J.

More like joke of the gay

and the joke from our movie of the day, boondock saints.i'll clean up 2 of the words doe something a little cleaner though.

a white dude, a black dude, and a mexican dude are walkin and they see a genie bottle.the mexican rubs the bottle and the genie pops out and offers him one wish.he says, "i wish that all my mexican people were back in mexico and were happy.POOF, it's done.next, the genie points to the black dude.black dude says. "i wish all my black people were back in africa and were happy.POOF, it's done.next up, the genie points to the white dude and says"time for your wish.the white dude says. "you mean that all the mexican and black people are already out of america?"genie says yeah.whire dude says"i guess i'll have a coke then"

Social Security Sex

Two men were talking.

"So, how's your sex life?"

"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."

"Social Security sex?"

"Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"



LOUD SEX:

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor.

Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear

splitting yell."

"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the

problem is."

"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"



QUIET SEX:

Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife

during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you

have an orgasm?"



She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"



CONFOUNDED SEX

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn

from his body.



His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood,

but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered

cosmetic.



The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14

000 for "large." The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the

doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.



The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.



The doctor came back int o the room, and found the man looking dejected.



"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.



The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".



WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding

anniversary.



The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:



'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."



"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads:



'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"





WOMEN'S HUMOR



My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make you

happy tonight."



He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the

doorknobs.



He couldn't get back in.



A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest

woman in the world."



The woman says..... "I'll miss you."





- J.

Will and Grace = Joke of the day, I hate that show.

None of these jokes where funny.....

Originally posted by kaps
None of these jokes where funny.....

Agreed.

Well why don't you ****ers start a thread that's funny rather than trying to rely on Arju, Hockey, Luke and I to provide the humor.

- The Jake

That's the first time my poo/pee jokes have ever been referred to as humour. I feel so special.

Originally posted by The Jake
Well why don't you ****ers start a thread that's funny rather than trying to rely on Arju, Hockey, Luke and I to provide the humor.

- The Jake

Nobody you listed is funny, except for luke......

I've got one. Why do women have boobs?

So you've got something to look at while you talk to them.

Thank God, Family Guy is back on the air.

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents
to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids
came back, and one by one, began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.

One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of
the pickup, and when we hit a bump in the road, and all the eggs went
flying and broke and made a mess." "And what's the moral of the story?"
asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good,"
said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers
too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen
eggs one time, but when they hatched, we only got ten live chicks."
"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't count
your chickens until they're hatched." "That's a fine story Sarah."

"Michael, do you have a story to share?" "Yes, Ma'am. My daddy
told me this story about my Aunt Barbara. Aunt Barbara was a flight
engineer in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out
over enemy territory, and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine
gun, and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break,
and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy
of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets, then she killed
twenty more with the machete till the blade broke, and then she killed the
last ten with her bare hands."
"Good heavens, Michael.", said the horrified teacher, "What kind of
moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Stay the hell away from Aunt Barbara when she's been drinking

Jake I C U got the same E-mail my Bro sent me. ;)
I foud those jokes really funny.

Originally posted by kaps
None of these jokes where funny.....

I really don't think I asked you, now did I. :fu:

oh yeah and maybe if you had a GF or a wife you might just have found some humor in those jokes.

:devil

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my
watch is buddy, where the **** is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask
where the bathroom is?

2. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no dick.

3. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for
the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel
manually.

4. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too." ****
off. What good is a goddamn cake you can't eat?

5. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is.
Why the **** would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this?
Who and where are they?

6. When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No *******, I
paid $7.50 to come to the theater and stare at the friggin ceiling up there.

7. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"..... Didn't really give me a
choice, did ya there buddy?

8. When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there
has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then it must not be
the first one!!

9. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going?
You should know ******* you ****ing pulled me over!

Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one
candy bar after another. After the sixth one a man on the
bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that
candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your
teeth, make you fat."

Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat six candy bars at a time?"

Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own ****ing business!"

"Video Rental"
A blonde decides to do something wild that she hasn't done before -- rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. The blonde says, "I just rented an adult movie from you, and there's nothing on the tape but static." The store clerk replies, "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"

The blonde says, "It's called Head Cleaner."

Originally posted by ArjukanpoKarate
I really don't think I asked you, now did I. :fu:

oh yeah and maybe if you had a GF or a wife you might just have found some humor in those jokes.

:devil

No you didnt ask me, but when I open a thread called "Joke of the day" I expect to see somthing funny in it..........

I like your new avatar Kaps. Thank God for it.