Bata: manong meron ba kayo ubas?
Tindero: wala iho.
Kinabukasan....
Bata: manong meron ba kayo ubas?
Tindero: wala kaming tindang ubas iho.
Sumunod na araw....
Bata: manong meron ba kayo ubas?
Tindero: wala! at kapag tinanong mo pa ko kung may ubas dito, ii-stapler ko yang bunganga mo!
Ng sumunod na araw pa....
Bata: manong meron ba kayo stapler?
Tindero: wala!
Bata: ah ganun po ba,eh, meron ba kayo ubas?


post na kayo!!

Kapalaran mo today:
Makakakita ka ng isang bagay na magdudulot sa ‘yo ng pagkainis.
Makabubuting umiwas muna sa salamin.

Husband: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyon ko bukas, ikaw na sanaang bahala sa lahat lahat... I LOVE YOU!
Wife: Tumigil ka! wala pang namamatay sa TULI! SUPOT!!!

Raymond:birthday ng asawa ko.
Dennis:ano regalo mo?
Raymond:tinanong ko kung ano gusto nya?
D:ano naman sinabi?
R:kahit ano basta may DIAMOND
D:ano ibinigay mo?
R:baraha.

A pinay who works here in dublin wanted to book her flight to the philippines,so she phoned up the travel agency sales staff.

Pinay:"I would like to make a booking for my flight to the philippines.
Staff: "OK,What's your name?"
Pinay:"Maria Quintero"
Staff:"Could you please spell your last name maria?"
Pinay:"Ok,Quintero....Q as in Cuba...U as in Europe....I as in eyebrow...N as in pneumonia...T as in Ptyalin...E as in India....R as in Argentina....O as in australia.

Babae: Doc, kumusta na ang asawa ko?
Doc: Sorry ma'am. Mula ngayon, ikaw na ang magpapakain at magpapaligo sa
kanya, kasi putol na ang kanyang mga kamay at paa.
Babae: Hah?! Hindi nga?!
Doc: Hehehe! Ninerbyos ka ano? Joke lang! Patay na sya!

Amo: Inday, titira dito ang biyenan ko ng 3 buwan. Ito ang listahan ng
mga favorite nyang pagkain.
Maid: Opo, sir.
Amo: Kapag may niluto ka dyan, lagot ka sa akin!

Mrs: Naniniwala ka ba na ang babae habang tumatanda ay gumaganda?
Mr: Oo naman.
Mrs: Sa tingin mo, gumaganda ba ako?
Mr: Sa tingin ko, hindi ka tumatanda.

Tatay: Asensado na talaga ang anak natin sa US . Ito, nagpadala ng
picture, nakasandal sa kotse. Basahin mo nga ang nakasulat sa likod.
Nanay: Inay, nagpapasalamat ako, kasi, kung hindi dahil sa kotse na ito,
natumba na ako sa sobrang gutom.

Bitoy: Dagul, bakit ang pandak mo?
Dagul: Kasi, bata pa lang ako, ulila na ako.
Bitoy: Anong kaugnayan nun sa pagiging pandak mo?
Dagul: Sira pala ulo mo! Wala ngang nagpalaki sa akin!

hahahaha, thats funny. thanks for sharing xz & speedjay.

nakwento ko na ata ito eh:

in a cemetery
man: is those 3 graves your relative?
woman: those are my husband
man:oh i see, why did the 1st one died
woman: he ate poisonous mushroom
man: how bout the 2nd one?
woman:he ate poisonous mushroom
man: and the third?
woman: he doesn't want to eat poisonous mushroom

Birth Months & thier meanings(courtesy of (cloud)


January-selosa/o

february-mahirap mahalin,moody,me katok

March-sweet,may konting arte

April-pasaway,makulit,yabang

May-honest,minsan nangangaliwa

June-lover,user,playgirl/boy

July-stick to one,sex trip

August-mahilig sa sex pero loyal

September-takot magmahal at masaktan,simpleng malibog

October-di kuntento sa isa,bilero

November-serious,bossy,mainit sa kama

December-mapagmahal,two-timer,malibog.


Tama ba yung sa inyo?

Birth Months & thier meanings(courtesy of (cloud)


January-selosa/o

february-mahirap mahalin,moody,me katok

March-sweet,may konting arte

April-pasaway,makulit,yabang

May-honest,minsan nangangaliwa

June-lover,user,playgirl/boy

July-stick to one,sex trip

August-mahilig sa sex pero loyal

September-takot magmahal at masaktan,simpleng malibog

October-di kuntento sa isa,bilero

November-serious,bossy,mainit sa kama

December-mapagmahal,two-timer,malibog.


Tama ba yung sa inyo?
LOL june ako :D

Stupid Grandpa
A grandpa walks into a grandson's apartment and sees a condom on the table. 'What's this!?' demands the grandfather.
'It's a condom," replies the grandson sheepishly.

"What do you use it for?' asks Gramps.

The grandson is surprised that his grandpa really doesn't know what a condom is, and replies, 'I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain."

To his surprise his grandpa says, "That's a great idea," and goes off to the drug store. He asks the pharmacist for a condom.

"What size would you like?" asks the pharmacist.

"Oh, big enough to fit a camel."

Praying for 10 Pesos
Sa loob ng simbahan ng Quiapo, isang batang pulubi ang mataimtim na nanalangin sa Diyos.

Pulubi: "Panginoon kung maaari po sana ay bigyan ninyo ako ng sampung piso dahil gutom na gutom na lang po ako."

Narinig sya ng isang pulis na kasalukuyan ding nagsisimba at bumilib sya sa katatagan ng bata sa pananampalataya sa Diyos. Sa kanyang habag ay dumukot sya ng limang piso at iniabot sa bata na ang sabi: "Amang, narinig ng Diyos ang panalangin mo at heto tanggapin mo ang perang ito at ibili mo ng pagkain".

Tumingala ang bata sa pulis, kinuha nya ang limang pisong iniabot at muling yumuko para manalangin: "Panginoon, salamat po sa pagdinig ninyo sa aking panalangin, pero sana naman po sa uli-uli wag na ninyong pararaanin pa sa pulis, kasi malaki na ang bawas".

69
GIRL:mag-69 tayo dear !
BOY:pano yun?
GIRL:ganito lang...
(pmwesto n cla at bglang nautot ang girl ng 4 times):
BOY:ayoko na!DI KO N KYA UNG NATITIRANG 65

Nakakasalat
Sakristan: Father, may libangan din ba ang mga Pari?
Pari: Oo, naman, pag dating ng hapon, kaming mga pari dito sa bayan ay naglalaro ng Mahjong.
Sakristan: Bakit po naman Mahjong pa ang napili niyong laro?
Pari: Kasi, dito lang kami nakakasalat ng flower, Iho!

nabanggit ko na rin ata ito eh.

priest: bishop, isang babae ang pumasok sa kwarto ko na nakahubad. ginawa ko nagdasal na lang at pinilit labanan ang tukso. kayo bishop ano gagawin nyo kung ganun nangyari sa inyo?

bishop: pareho mo father, magsisinungaling.

isang muslim nag-apply ng trabaho:

muslim: Boss nah mag-apply ako nah trabaho Boss nah kahit ano nah trabaho.
Boss: bah, wala na kaming bakante dito.
muslim: nah papatay nalang ako ng isa para nah may bakante.

:lol1:

LOL june ako :D

pareho tayo...:D

Birth Months & thier meanings(courtesy of (cloud)


January-selosa/o

february-mahirap mahalin,moody,me katok

March-sweet,may konting arte

April-pasaway,makulit,yabang

May-honest,minsan nangangaliwa

June-lover,user,playgirl/boy

July-stick to one,sex trip

August-mahilig sa sex pero loyal

September-takot magmahal at masaktan,simpleng malibog

October-di kuntento sa isa,bilero

November-serious,bossy,mainit sa kama

December-mapagmahal,two-timer,malibog.


Tama ba yung sa inyo?Kawawa naman kaming mga pebrero...teka kaya pala ganun ang ugali ko... :D

Kawawa naman kaming mga pebrero...teka kaya pala ganun ang ugali ko... :D

alin dun mod? ung may katok? LOL! jok lang poh!

ako december, mapagmahal, mapagmahal, at hmmmm....mapagmahal. :)

teka, mod, ano nangyari sa libogski? kahapon sa pacland na lang ako tumambay kaso hirap mag post dun. di ko alam kung saang thread ako pupunta, puro pang-boys ang topic eh. saka di naman me ganung kaalam sa boxing. saan ba kayo madalas tumambay dun?

alin dun mod? ung may katok? LOL! jok lang poh!

ako december, mapagmahal, mapagmahal, at hmmmm....mapagmahal. :)

teka, mod, ano nangyari sa libogski? kahapon sa pacland na lang ako tumambay kaso hirap mag post dun. di ko alam kung saang thread ako pupunta, puro pang-boys ang topic eh. saka di naman me ganung kaalam sa boxing. saan ba kayo madalas tumambay dun?Pano mo nalamang nasa libogki rin ako? :D



Pag sa pacland dito kami madalas tumambay nina katz at flanker ang pangalan nya dyan...



http://forum.philboxing.com/viewforum.php

Pano mo nalamang nasa libogki rin ako? :D



Pag sa pacland dito kami madalas tumambay nina katz at flanker ang pangalan nya dyan...



http://forum.philboxing.com/viewforum.php

AHAHAHA, si flanker pala si katz dun ah. cge mamaya mapuntahan ito. bagal kasi conection ko dito eh.dpat isang browser lng ang bukas.

AHAHAHA, si flanker pala si katz dun ah. cge mamaya mapuntahan ito. bagal kasi conection ko dito eh.dpat isang browser lng ang bukas.nasa saudi ka pa ba? bat hindi ka makapag multi task?

hehehe, computer dito sa opis kasi eh. mabagal na dami pa mata. iwas muna ng konti, baka may makakita.

jan 17 ang uwi ko.

hehehe, computer dito sa opis kasi eh. mabagal na dami pa mata. iwas muna ng konti, baka may makakita.

jan 17 ang uwi ko.ano handle mo sa pacland? slimz din?

ano handle mo sa pacland? slimz din?

opo kuya. slimz din.

opo kuya. slimz din.

ang bait mo naman,slimz.

employee:boss,tutal namatay na manager natin,pwede bang ako na pumalit sa kanya?
boss:pwede naman,kaya lang,tanungin mo muna yung funeraria kung papayag.

employee:boss,tutal namatay na manager natin,pwede bang ako na pumalit sa kanya?
boss:pwede naman,kaya lang,tanungin mo muna yung funeraria kung papayag.

Hahahaha. LOL!

reminds me of the joke:

churchgoer (while waiting in line for the communion): father, is it ok to have sex before communion
priest: it's ok child, as long as you wouldn't block the aisle


a cow and a bull are "DOING" their thing when pedro saw it
pedro (talking to petra) - do you want to do what the bull & cow is doing?
petra - go ahead. it's your cow.

Government agencies sa pinas!

SSS - Safe Sex Security

GSIS - Group Sex Isn't Safe

BIR - Blowjob Is Recommended

BID - Better In Dogstyle

NBI - Na Babaliw sa Iyot

Mister: Honey, alam mo, ako ang pinakamatapang sa kulungan.
Misis: Bakit naman?
Mister: Nagpa-tattoo ako sa bird ko, eh!
Misis: Sus! ‘Yang pina-tattoo mo, kung pinatuli mo ‘yan, bilib pa ako!

Nagtatravel ang Pope at 2 Madre sakay ng executive jet ng Vatican.

Pilot: Your Holiness, the plane is about to crash.
Pope: So what should we do?
Pilot: I have two parachutes here, use one and I'll use one.
Pope: What about the two nuns?
Pilot: **** them!
Pope: Do we have enough time?

Birth Months & thier meanings(courtesy of (cloud)


January-selosa/o

february-mahirap mahalin,moody,me katok

March-sweet,may konting arte

April-pasaway,makulit,yabang

May-honest,minsan nangangaliwa

June-lover,user,playgirl/boy

July-stick to one,sex trip

August-mahilig sa sex pero loyal

September-takot magmahal at masaktan,simpleng malibog

October-di kuntento sa isa,bilero

November-serious,bossy,mainit sa kama

December-mapagmahal,two-timer,malibog.


Tama ba yung sa inyo?
august? kaya pala deretso palagi ako sa pa epek :o

opo kuya. slimz din.

ang bait mo naman,slimz.

magalang lang sa nkatatanda pre..:banana::banana:

kmusta na? hapi new year..



biro lang preng prof.. sana ayos lang kayo dyan sa danao..

anak: nanany gusto ko na po mag bra

nanay: hindi pwede anak

anak: nanay pwede na po akong mag bra e.

nanay: hindi nga pwede sabi e anak e!

anak: nanay sige na po!

nanay: tangna ka Junior isa pa't sisipain na kita!

:D :D :D

magalang lang sa nkatatanda pre..:banana::banana:

kmusta na? hapi new year..



biro lang preng prof.. sana ayos lang kayo dyan sa danao..

one of the best jokes in this thread so far. LOL! :D

musta na do?

one of the best jokes in this thread so far. LOL! :D

musta na do?

ayos lang dito mademoisselle!!

sana ikaw din dyan..

busy sa pagkayod ng euro..
para may pang-shopping ang pamilya sa pinas.. :nonono::banana::banana:

ingat lagi.. à bientot!!

magalang lang sa nkatatanda pre..:banana::banana:

kmusta na? hapi new year..



biro lang preng prof.. sana ayos lang kayo dyan sa danao..ayos lang pareng do. :kiss:

A Chemistry teacher asked a sexy, blonde student, "What are NITRATES?
The student replied shyly, "Ma’am, sa motel po. NIGHT RATES are higher than day rates!"

Nun: I was raped... what shall i do?

Mother Superior: Here, take this calamansi.

Nun: will then ease d pain?

Mother Superior: Gaga! sipsipin mo! ng mawala -wala ngiti sa mukha mo!!!

SAMPUNG UTOS SA PAGINOM

1.Huwag makulit habang umiinom

2.Huwag matakaw sa pulutan
(dahil itoy hindi picnic)

3.Huwag patagalin ang baso
(dahil my naghihintay)

4.Huwag uminom ng uminom
(bumili ka rin)

5.Uminom ng diretso sa tiyan
(huwag sa ulo)

6.Magpaalam kung uuwi na, hindi
yung bigla nlang mawawala

7.Magtira ng pamasahe
(para hindi maglakad pauwi
ng bahay)

8.Huwag matulog sa harap ng
inuman kung may tama o lasing
na

9.Siguraduhing sa bahay ang uwi
kapag lasing na

10.Huwag i-harass ang j0wa pg
senglot na..

Gloria: wala ng problema ang ating bansa, wala ng kapitalismo,wala ng imperyalismo ang natirang problema na lang ay Akonamismo........

You can now identify people through DNA: Taong-grasa : DNAliligo ~ Unano : DNAtatangkad ~ Payatot : DNAkumakain ~ Osama Bin Laden : DNAhuhuli ~ Ping Lacson : DNAtatakot ~Erap : DNAmakapambabae ~GMA : DNAaamin ~

When she first stepped into Malacanang Palace, President GMA recalled her childhood days there when her father, Diosdado Macapagal, was the President. "I grew up here,\" she said. "That's?? not true," quipped an old member of the Malacanang household staff. "She never grew up.

FVR: Dapat may snap election, ayaw kong maging Presidente si Noli.People: Bakit po sir?FVR: Kasi ganito ang aking theory. Si Erap ang Vice ko noon..naging presidente..palpak.. Sino ang vice ni Erap.. si GMA..naging presidente rin..mas palpak..ngayon, sino ang vice ni GMA si Noli.. Si Noli ay Vice ng Vice ng aking vice.. Vice na naman di na kayo nagsawa

ERAP Jokes...


Erap at Gloria, manonood ng sine:

Erap: ( may hawak na supot ng mani) Glo, gusto mo?
Gloria: Ayaw ko, tinitighawat ako sa mani.
Erap: Ah, ako naman sa mukha.



Vendor: Sir, bili na kayo ng kurtina, mura lang.
Erap: Mura lang? Sige pabili nga para sa computer ko.
Vendor: (taka) Ser, computer lalagyan mo ng kurtina?
Erap: (Galit) Eh engot ka pala!! Di ba may Windows yun!!


May conference ang mga former Presidents ng Philippines. Ginanap ito sa isang hotel... naghihintay ang mga presidente sa lobby nang mapansin nila ang isang fish tank sa gilid. Lumapit una si Cory at tinitigan ang isang isda.. maya-maya biglang nagmukhang cory ung isda... namangha si erap sa nakita.. sumunod si FVR, nang titigan din nya ang isda, naging kamukha din niya ang isda! Naintriga na talaga si Erap at nagtanong kay FVR. "Pano mo nagawa yun?" sagot ni FVR, "mind over matter lang yun." Hmmm.. subukan nga, sabi ni erap sa sarili.. tinitigan nya ang isda.. matagal... after 15 minutes, Naging isda si erap!!!!

Chinese pinoy names:

Born during the night - Andy Lim
Born blind - Kenneth Sy
Born being swindled - Lino Co
Born while cooking - Nilo Toh
Born as 10th child - Sam Po
Born while being courted - Lily Gaw
Born fat - Bob Uy
Born little - Kathy Ting
Born different - Eva Yan
Born with porridge - Lino Gaw
Born looking for someone - Allen Sia
Born while counterfeiting - Faye King
Born during Sunday - Lyn Go
Born with malice - Mali Sia
Born angry with someone - Ally Tan
Born with picture - Lara Huan
Born with sweets - Ken Dy
Born undefined - Sam Ting
Born while taking a bath - Lily Go
Born not to take a bath - Dinah Lily Go
Born while buying - Bill Li
Born secretly - Tina Go
Born to pass flatus - Otto Tin
Born ugly - Kaw Yan
Born handsome- Ko Yan

english-chinese translation:


1) That's not right ......................... Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harboring a fugitive?............. Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP................................ Kum Hia Nao

4) Stupid Man ................................ Dum Fuk

5) Small Horse ............................... Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach? .................. Wai Yu So Tan

7)I bumped into a coffee table .............. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni

8) I think you need a face lift .............. Chin Tu Fat

9) It's very dark in here .................... Wao So Dim

10) I thought you were on a diet ............. Wai Yu Mun Ching?

11) This is a tow away zone ................ No Pah King

12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu Kum Nao?

13) Staying out of sight ................... Lei Ying Lo

14) He's cleaning his automobile ........... Wa Shing Ka

15) Your body odor is offensive ............ Yu Stin Ki Pu

16) Great .................................. Fa Kin Su Pah

LOGIC...

One day, Erap sees Pres. Ramos reading a book on logic.

Erap : Fidel, mahirap yata iyang binabasa mong libro.

Ramos : Hindi, logic lang ito, madali lang.

Erap : Ano ba yang logic na yan, hindi ko yata alam yan.

Ramos : Ganito lang yan, may aquarium ka ba sa bahay?

Erap : Oo.

Ramos : Kung may aquarium ka, eh di mahilig ka sa isda.

Erap : Oo.

Ramos : At kung mahilig ka sa isda, mahilig ka rin sa dagat.

Erap: Oo.

Ramos ; Eh di kung mahilig ka sa dagat, gusto mo pumupunta sa beach.

Erap : Oo.

Ramos : At kung mahilig kang pumunta sa beach, mahilig ka sa babaeng naka-bathing suit.

Erap : Oo.

Ramos : Eh kung mahilig ka sa mga seksing babaeng naka-bathing suit, >eh >>di >> > >lalakeng - lalaki ka.

Erap : Oo.

Ramos : Eh kung lalakeng - lalaki ka, eh di macho ka.

Erap : Oo.

Ramos : Kita mo na na, ganyan lang ang logic!

Erap : Okey pala yang logic na yan, ah!

The following day, Erap sees Maceda in the Senate. . .

Erap : Pare,Maceda, susubukan ko lang itong tinuro sa aking logic ni Ramos.

Maceda : Sige nga!

Erap : May aquarium ka ba sa bahay?

Maceda : Wala.

Erap : bading! bading! bading!

The teacher is teaching her class about the alphabet and, of course, there is one student, little Johnny, who has a propensity to be disruptive.
The teacher asks the class "Who can tell us a word that begins with the letter 'A'?"
Little Johnny raises his hand first, but the teacher thinks "I can't call on him, he'll say 'ass," so she calls on little Mary instead.
Little Mary says "A stands for apple! A big bright red apple!"
"Very good, little Mary," says the teacher. "Now, who knows a word that begins with the letter 'B'?"
Little Johnny raises his hand first, but the teacher doesn't call on him for fear that his word will be "********." Instead, she calls on little Joey.
"Bike," says Joey, "A bright blue bike!"
"Very good, Joey," says the teacher.
She continues to run through the alphabet, but each letter she comes to has a corresponding curse word, so she continues to skip over Little Johnny.
Finally, she comes to the letter "R." By this time, Little Johnny is fit to burst. He is waving his hand wildly, and the teacher thinks to herself "You know, I can't think of a single dirty word that begins with the letter 'R'! Maybe it is safe to let him have this one!" So, the teacher says "OK, Little Johnny you can give us a word that begins with the letter 'R'."
Little Johnny responds "R is for Rats! Big f*ckin' rats! With nuts THIS BIG!"

There was a guy sunbathing in the nude on the beach. He saw a little girl coming toward him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading.

The girl came up to him and asked, "What do you have under the newspaper?"

Thinking quickly, the guy replied, "A bird."

The girl walked away, and the guy fell asleep. When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. The police asked him what happened.

The guy says, "I don't know. I was lying on the beach, this little girl asked me a question, I guess I dozed off, and the next thing I know is I'm here."

The police went to the beach, found the girl, and asked her. What did you do to that naked fellow?"

After a pause, the girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I was playing with his bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire!"

from YP

Melanie Marquez, during her guesting at The Buzz: I have a film with Alec BALDWIN, and DIRECTOR by Romy Suzara...(it's BOVICK, Melanie, bigatin ka na pala at Hollywood star na ang co-star mo, and yes, it's Supposed to be DIRECTED BY..)


Katya Santos, on the controversial Viva Hot Babes VCD: Eighteen year old ABOVE and PATAAS lang ang pwedeng makabili nitong VCD. (So kung 17 below and pababa, hindi pwede, di ba?)


Heart Evangelista, reading a letter request at Myx: Dear Heart, I'd like to request the song blah blah... Of course, we will grant your
request. You know, everything is possible.
Well, yes, everything is possible...WITH GOD!!!


Boy Abunda, interviewing "Ssshhh...She Walks By Night" star Belinda Bright
Boy: Belinda, what is this movie about?
Belinda: It's actually a Film Mwah!
Boy: Pardon me?
Belinda: A Film Mwah, we consider it a film, not a movie.
Boy: Ano ulit yun, iha?
Belinda: A Film.. mmm.. it's an Art Film.
(Film Noir, Belinda, and to think you are Bright!)


(interview) Master Showman on 98 degrees:
Kuya Germs: So what can you say about the Filipinas?
Someone from 98 degrees: Ah, they're all pretty. Really lovely and kind.
Kuya Germs: Well, have you made love to a Filipina?
tsk...tsk...what a shame!


Master Showman on Judy Ann Santos:
Kuya Germs: Salamat at pinaunlakan mo kami Juday. Dahil dyan, may ibibigay kami sa iyo courtesy of video city. Ito ay...aircon?! Aircon!
Juday: (luwal ang mga mata) Talaga?! Salamat po.
Kuya Germs: Ay...Con Air pala. Isang vhs tape ng Con Air



Kris Aquino - Danilo Barrios
Kris Aquino: i heard sa france based ang father mo ngayon?
Danilo Barrios: hindi po. sa Paris.
Kris Aquino: so you're a vegetarian?
Danilo Barrios: opo. kumakain din ako ng meat.


Vina Morales, announcing the winners of ASAP's Clash Dance:
It's a tie-breaker! lolz!


Host: What is your favorite feature?
Calendar Girl: My favorite feature is my graduation feature!
(Todo explain pa siya na kesyo maganda daw siya dun kasi naka-make up siya...)
ah...so she thought the question was...what is her favorite "fektyur" hihihihi!

eto, isa sa peyborit quotes ko mula sa napanood kong Grand Finals
ng She's Got the Look dati sa Eat Bulaga:
Vic: Contestant Number ---, eto yung question mo: "What is your guiding principle in life?"
Contestant: Hmm.. guiding principle?
Vic: Oo, guiding principle, kumabaga motto, something na pinaniniwalaan mo.
Contestant: Hmm .. (halatang tensed na).. guiding principle.. my guiding principle is.. hmm.. ahh.. ahh..
Vic (grand finals kaya ayaw niya mamahiya): Para siyang motto.. like "Time is Go.." (sabay putol nung contestant)
Contestant: Ahh.. my guiding principle in life is "Time is Gold. Thank you!"


ito, nung Bb. Pilipinas host: how did you develop your love for horseback riding?
contestant: when I first went to Tagaytay, I ride a horse and the horse thrilled me!
(hmmmm... bakit parang iba meaning?)


Host: You're doing well as a singer in clubs. What's your next ambition?
Guest: Gusto ko pong magkaroon ng recording album! (Recording na, album pa?)


Host: What don't you like about (name of starlet) ba?
Guest: She's too reactionary!
Host: What do you mean?
Guest: React siya ng react!


anyway, si melanie marquez pa rin habang iniinterview ni boy
abunda:
boy: melanie, anung masasabi mo sa mga lumalabas na tsismis na hindi ka lang daw drug addict, drug pusher ka pa?
melanie: they are all liars! tingnan nyo nga ako, ang payat-payat ko, i am a model! (tsk tsk.. mukha ka ngang high! )


angela velez announcing the famas winner..
Angela: And the Famas Goes through...
aleck bovic's reaction sa mga di makapaniwala sa pagkabest actress
nya..
aleck: di ko na po papansinin yung mga negatives puro positives na lang po..


dati ko pa ito napanood sa eat bulaga, sa feeling pogi yata: tinanong yung guy kung anong gift nya sa girl na gusto nya, ang sagot nya ay 'top toy'\ (stuffed toy), tawa ng tawa si gladys kaya pinaulit yung sagot, 'top toy' pa rin ang sabi nung guy, as in parang wala syang clue na mali sya


Inez Veneracion: "I am a one woman man!" (hell, she's a man! )


New Year's presentation ng See True:
Ate Luds: O sige ano na ang inyong prediction para kay Stella Strada?
Madam Auring: Lalo siyang sisikat sa darating na taon at malalampasan niya ang kasikatan ni Alma Moreno!
Kinabukasan, HEADLINE: STELLA STRADA COMMITS SUICIDE!


Joe Cantada: So Atoy, what are your prospects now,mukhang makakayanan kayo ng Toyota this coming semi-finals round...
Atoy Co: Well Joe, the ball is around! (naghanap tuloy ng bola si Joe)


RITA GOMEZ AS A JUDGE IN A BB.PILIPINAS PAGEANT,ASKING A CANDIDATE A QUESTION DURING THE Q AND A (CANDIDATE INCIDENTALLY IS MARIA ISABEL LOPEZ)
RITA: Here's your question,hija: Are you still a virgin?
MARIA ISABEL: If I say I still am, can I bring home the crown tonight?
RITA: Good answer!
MARIA ISABEL: What about you Ma'am, are you still a virgin?
RITA: Hija I have 5 children with 5 different fathers,what do you call that, Immaculate Conception???


VILMA SANTOS: Ang ganda ng gospel number na yon,napaka-enlighting.Teka magpupunas lang ako, I'm sweatening.


HOST: What\'s the latest in international show biz news?
Co-host: Whitney Houston has just signed a $100 M recording contract!
Host: Wow, that's really huge. Do you think she deserves it?
Co-host: She does! After all, in the course of her career, Whitney has sold more than 140 albums!
(Huh?!)

Host: Do you see what I'm holding in my hand?
Co-host: What is it?
Host: It's the new P10 coin.
Co-host: Hey, how about that? - what are its features?
Host: Well, it has Mabini or Andres Bonifacio on the cover.
(The coin has a cover?)


Host: Our next sports feature is unique. It's about a new and funny kind of race.
Co-host: What's new about it?
Host: It's a race in which the racers are riding landmowers!
(What in the world is a landmower? - Oh, you mean lawnmower.)


Host: Your best friend is involved in a controversy right now.
What do you want to tell him, to show your support?
Starlet: Pare, kaya mo 'yan. At, pag kailangan mo ng tulong, anytime, alam mo naman, andyan lang naman ako, I'll just right by!
(Wheee!)


Host: What has happened to you after you came out with your accusations?
Guest: I have received death letters!
(Geez, what in the world are death letters?!)

Host: Now that you have answered your opponent's charges, what happens now?
Guest: Now the ball is in the court!
(Huh? ano raw?)


sexy star1: i'm half filipina, half spanish, and half chinese
(ano yun, 1 1/2?)

sexy star2: the show was very success!

sa SHARON, tinanong niya si Diane de la fuente
Sharon: nung nag-secret wedding kayo alam ba ng parents mo?
hehehe!


Tinanong one time si Angelika Jones kung ano role nya sa isang sitcom na gagawin nya sa channel 2.. sabi nya medyo kikay daw sya d2 pero nde naman Over O-A.
(so meaning, nde naman OVER Over Acting? )


Si Candy Allyson naman pag tumalon naman daw sya sa San Juanico Bridge kailangan nya ng Life Best para safe.
(Life Best pala tawag dun...kala ko Life Vest!) mali pala akala ko! hehehehe!


Isang Viva HotBabe sabi nya proud daw sya kasi napasama sya sa 100 Sixtiest Woman!.


HOST: Why did you separate from your husband?
Guest: I realized that I did not really love him.
Host: Did you love him when you accepted his proposal for you to marry him?
Guest: Not also.
Host: So, why did you agree to marry him?
Guest: He pressurized me to do it!
(Ay, pressurized!)


Host: What did you have for breakfast today?
Guest: Tinapay.
Host: Ano'ng palaman ng tinapay?
Guest: Juice.
(Palaman, hindi panulak . . . BADTRIP!!!!)


letter sender: vj heart you are so charming and u are my favorite vj!
vj heart: also you are!
(what the?!! did she finish school?)


ito sobrang tagal na to. sa martin late at night. guest si vina morales.
martin: vina, ganda naman ng damit mo. ritratto?
vina: sige, pa-picture tayo!

Narito ang isang kwento ng pag-ibig na tunay na
naganap sa dalawang nilalang na pinagtagpo ng
kapalaran. subalit dahil sa complikasyon at
proteksyon ng mga tauhan, minabuti na huwag na
silang bigyang pangalan.



***



Isang gabi, naglalakad ang isang lalaki sa may
tulay nang may Makita siyang babaeng nasa taas
ng gilid nito at magtatangkang magpatiwakal.



"Huwag," sigaw ng lalaki. At sa kabutihang palad
ay nakumbinsi ang babae at siya'y bumaba.



Lalaki: Ano bang problema mo't naiisipan mong
gawin yan.



Babae: Kasi, iniwan ako ng boypren ko't sumama
sa ibang babae.



Lalaki: Miss, ganyan din ang problema ko pero di
ko inisip na magpakamatay.



Babae: So, anong gagawin natin?



Nag-isip sandali ang lalaki at sinabi...



Lalaki: Kung gusto mo, maghiganti tayo sa kanila.



Babae: Paanong paghihiganti?



Lalaki: Alam mo na ang ibig kong sabihin...(sabay
kindat sa babae na nakuha naman ni babae ang
parinig na yon)



Maya maya'y nasa isang kuwarto na sila ng motel
at nangyari na nga ang 'di dapat mangyari....Nang
makaraos si lalaki, nagsindi siya ng yosi. Nang
halos filter na lang ay biglang nagsabi si babae....



Babae: Maghiganti uli tayo.



Medyo pagod, pero pinagbigyan uli niya ang
request ni babae. Nang makaraos uli, nagsindi uli
si lalaki ng yosi. Nasa kalahati pa lang ang yosi
nang...



Babae: Maghiganti uli tayo.



Medyo nangangatog na ang mga tuhod pero dahil
sa hilig, muling pinagbigyan niya si babae. Muling
nakaraos ang dalawa. Nagsindi uli si lalaki ng
yosi. Unang hitit pa lang niya ay...



Babae: Ganti uli tayo.



Talagang lupaypay na si manoy niya pero para
huwag mapahiya ay muling pinagbigyan niya ang
kahilingan ng babae. Pagkatapos kumuha siya ng
yosi. Sisindihan pa lang nang biglang...



Babae: Ganti uli tayo.



Lalaki: (Pagod na) TANG I-N-A MO , PATAWARIN
NA NATIN SILA!!!!

Tatay: Asensado na talaga ang anak natin sa US. Ito, nagpadala ng picture, nakasandal sa kotse. Basahin mo nga ang nakasulat sa likod.
Nanay: Inay, nagpapasalamat ako, kasi, kung hindi dahil sa kotse na ito, natumba na ako sa sobrang gutom.


An alcoholic son wrote a letter...
Beer dad, Gin na ako iinom ulit, Whisky kelan. Tanduay mo yan, tiTequilan ko na talaga, pRhumis po! Your San, Miguel.

70 Ways to make a woman happy...

1st is Shopping and the rest is 69

Mahiwagang Loro


Malaki ang problema ni Pedro. Ga-higante ang kanyang...kuwan... 25 inches. Dahil dito, ayaw siyang pakasalan ni Maria. Naisip niyang humingi ng tulong kay Manang Belen, ang arbolaryo sa kanilang lugar.

"Naku Pedro", wika ni Manang Belen, "iisa lang ang remedyo sa problema mo. Kailangan hanapin mo ang mahiwagang loro sa tuktok ng bundok at hilingin mo na pakasalan ka niya. Tuwing tatanggihan ka ng loro, liliit ng 5 inches ang kuwan mo."

Umakyat si Pedro sa bundok. Nang narating niya ang tuktok, nakita niya ang mahiwagang loro. "Mahiwagang loro, pakasalan mo ako", halos binulong lang ni Pedro sa kaba.

"Ayoko!", sagot ng loro.

Pag silip ni Pedro, 20 inches na lang siya! "Mahiwagang loro, pakasalan mo ako", mas malakas niyang binigkas.

"Ayoko!", sagot ng loro.

Pag silip ni Pedro, 15 inches na lang siya! Minsan na lang para matuwa si Maria. "Mahiwagang loro, pakasalan mo ako", halos napasigaw siya sa galak.

"Ang kulit mo naman!" sumbat ng loro, "Sinabing Ayoko! Ayoko! Ayoko!"

nabanggit ko na rin ata ito eh.

priest: bishop, isang babae ang pumasok sa kwarto ko na nakahubad. ginawa ko nagdasal na lang at pinilit labanan ang tukso. kayo bishop ano gagawin nyo kung ganun nangyari sa inyo?

bishop: pareho mo father, magsisinungaling.






Nyahahahahaha!:banana:

Mahiwagang Loro


Malaki ang problema ni Pedro. Ga-higante ang kanyang...kuwan... 25 inches. Dahil dito, ayaw siyang pakasalan ni Maria. Naisip niyang humingi ng tulong kay Manang Belen, ang arbolaryo sa kanilang lugar.

"Naku Pedro", wika ni Manang Belen, "iisa lang ang remedyo sa problema mo. Kailangan hanapin mo ang mahiwagang loro sa tuktok ng bundok at hilingin mo na pakasalan ka niya. Tuwing tatanggihan ka ng loro, liliit ng 5 inches ang kuwan mo."

Umakyat si Pedro sa bundok. Nang narating niya ang tuktok, nakita niya ang mahiwagang loro. "Mahiwagang loro, pakasalan mo ako", halos binulong lang ni Pedro sa kaba.

"Ayoko!", sagot ng loro.

Pag silip ni Pedro, 20 inches na lang siya! "Mahiwagang loro, pakasalan mo ako", mas malakas niyang binigkas.

"Ayoko!", sagot ng loro.

Pag silip ni Pedro, 15 inches na lang siya! Minsan na lang para matuwa si Maria. "Mahiwagang loro, pakasalan mo ako", halos napasigaw siya sa galak.

"Ang kulit mo naman!" sumbat ng loro, "Sinabing Ayoko! Ayoko! Ayoko!"malaki na sana naging mungo pa!!! bwahahahahahaha!!!!

ONE NIGHT 4 MBA STUDENTS WERE BOOZING TILL LATE NIGHT AND
DIDN'T STUDY FOR THE TEST WHICH WAS SCHEDULED FOR THE NEXT DAY.



IN THE MORNING THEY THOUGHT OF A PLAN. THEY MADE THEMSELVES LOOK AS
DIRTY AND WEIRD AS THEY COULD WITH GREASE AND DIRT. THEY THEN WENT
UP TO THE DEAN AND SAID THAT THEY HAD GONE OUT TO A WEDDING LAST NIGHT
AND ON THEIR RETURN THE TYRE OF THEIR CAR BURST AND THEY HAD TO PUSH
THE CAR ALL THE WAY BACK AND THAT THEY WERE IN NO CONDITION TO APPEAR
FOR THE TEST.

THEN DEAN WAS A JUST PERSON SO HE SAID THAT YOU CAN HAVE THE RETEST
AFTER 3 DAYS. THEY SAID THEY WILL BE READY BY THAT TIME. ON THE THIRD
DAY THEY APPEARED BEFORE THE DEAN. THE DEAN SAID THAT THIS WAS A
SPECIAL CONDITION TEST.

ALL FOUR WERE REQUIRED TO SIT IN SEPARATE CLASSROOMS FOR THE TEST.
THEY ALL AGREED AS THEY HAD PREPARED WELL IN THE LAST THREE DAYS. THE
TEST CONSISTED OF 2 QUESTIONS WITH TOTAL OF 100 MARKS.















Q.1. WRITE DOWN YOUR NAME -----(2 MARKS)






Ans:






Scroll for 2nd Question.



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Q.2. WHICH TYRE BURST -------(98 MARKS)!!






Ans:

To All Co-Employees,
Just for your information.

It is with deep regret that I will be leaving my current work to transfer to a JAPANESE company. Over the past few months I have been feeling dull and unproductive causing me to make this hard decision of my life. I believe that I would be most productive in a working environment that supports employees initiative, encourages freedom of expression & motivates creativeness.

I will start working in my new company on the 2nd week of next month. The company is still new but I believe most of you have seen the place, having been advertised in the newspapers lately (see attached office picture). I can still be contacted on my personal mobile number or e-mail should you need to get in-touch with me.

More power to each & everyone of you & to the company you represent.

If you want to join me with this company, don't hesitate to call.

Best regards to all...



PS. You can view my future office in the attached file, those are my co-employees. .. Have a nice day to all.




http://www.imagefilez.com/out.php/i70363_newoffice1.jpg

To All Co-Employees,
Just for your information.

It is with deep regret that I will be leaving my current work to transfer to a JAPANESE company. Over the past few months I have been feeling dull and unproductive causing me to make this hard decision of my life. I believe that I would be most productive in a working environment that supports employees initiative, encourages freedom of expression & motivates creativeness.

I will start working in my new company on the 2nd week of next month. The company is still new but I believe most of you have seen the place, having been advertised in the newspapers lately (see attached office picture). I can still be contacted on my personal mobile number or e-mail should you need to get in-touch with me.

More power to each & everyone of you & to the company you represent.

If you want to join me with this company, don't hesitate to call.

Best regards to all...



PS. You can view my future office in the attached file, those are my co-employees. .. Have a nice day to all.




http://www.imagefilez.com/out.php/i70363_newoffice1.jpg


Can I join your new company???

To All Co-Employees,
Just for your information.

It is with deep regret that I will be leaving my current work to transfer to a JAPANESE company. Over the past few months I have been feeling dull and unproductive causing me to make this hard decision of my life. I believe that I would be most productive in a working environment that supports employees initiative, encourages freedom of expression & motivates creativeness.

I will start working in my new company on the 2nd week of next month. The company is still new but I believe most of you have seen the place, having been advertised in the newspapers lately (see attached office picture). I can still be contacted on my personal mobile number or e-mail should you need to get in-touch with me.

More power to each & everyone of you & to the company you represent.

If you want to join me with this company, don't hesitate to call.

Best regards to all...



PS. You can view my future office in the attached file, those are my co-employees. .. Have a nice day to all.




http://www.imagefilez.com/out.php/i70363_newoffice1.jpg





langya pag ganyan ang office ko tiyak magkaka-arthritis kamay ko.:D :D :D

langya pag ganyan ang office ko tiyak magkaka-arthritis kamay ko.:D :D :D

kata-type?

To All Co-Employees,
Just for your information.

It is with deep regret that I will be leaving my current work to transfer to a JAPANESE company. Over the past few months I have been feeling dull and unproductive causing me to make this hard decision of my life. I believe that I would be most productive in a working environment that supports employees initiative, encourages freedom of expression & motivates creativeness.

I will start working in my new company on the 2nd week of next month. The company is still new but I believe most of you have seen the place, having been advertised in the newspapers lately (see attached office picture). I can still be contacted on my personal mobile number or e-mail should you need to get in-touch with me.

More power to each & everyone of you & to the company you represent.

If you want to join me with this company, don't hesitate to call.

Best regards to all...



PS. You can view my future office in the attached file, those are my co-employees. .. Have a nice day to all.




http://www.imagefilez.com/out.php/i70363_newoffice1.jpg

saan ba office nyo para mapasyalan :D

To All Co-Employees,
Just for your information.

It is with deep regret that I will be leaving my current work to transfer to a JAPANESE company. Over the past few months I have been feeling dull and unproductive causing me to make this hard decision of my life. I believe that I would be most productive in a working environment that supports employees initiative, encourages freedom of expression & motivates creativeness.

I will start working in my new company on the 2nd week of next month. The company is still new but I believe most of you have seen the place, having been advertised in the newspapers lately (see attached office picture). I can still be contacted on my personal mobile number or e-mail should you need to get in-touch with me.

More power to each & everyone of you & to the company you represent.

If you want to join me with this company, don't hesitate to call.

Best regards to all...



PS. You can view my future office in the attached file, those are my co-employees. .. Have a nice day to all.




http://www.imagefilez.com/out.php/i70363_newoffice1.jpg


Buti na lang walang nakatingin na manager....kungdi tanggal ako sa office dahil sa office na yan. :D

ooops, sorry chups.

DONATION IN THE CHURCH


a priest was having a hard time convincing the people to give a donation to
the church. so he got an idea when the next mass was held.

PRIEST: All those who wanted to give a donation to the church, please STAND when the organ start playing!

ok my child start playing now.

ORGANIST: Father what will i play?

PRIEST: NATIONAL ANTHEM, my child.

http://www.imagefilez.com/images.php/i8516_comic39.jpg

http://www.imagefilez.com/images.php/i8513_comic36.jpg

To All Co-Employees,
Just for your information.

It is with deep regret that I will be leaving my current work to transfer to a JAPANESE company. Over the past few months I have been feeling dull and unproductive causing me to make this hard decision of my life. I believe that I would be most productive in a working environment that supports employees initiative, encourages freedom of expression & motivates creativeness.

I will start working in my new company on the 2nd week of next month. The company is still new but I believe most of you have seen the place, having been advertised in the newspapers lately (see attached office picture). I can still be contacted on my personal mobile number or e-mail should you need to get in-touch with me.

More power to each & everyone of you & to the company you represent.

If you want to join me with this company, don't hesitate to call.

Best regards to all...



PS. You can view my future office in the attached file, those are my co-employees. .. Have a nice day to all.




http://www.imagefilez.com/out.php/i70363_newoffice1.jpgpag ganito ang emoleyado ko dapat walang lalaki sa opisina
kung hindi malulugi ang negosyo ko....baka di magtrabaho o trabahuhin ang mga sekretarya ko..hehehe